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(04/23/07 4:00am)
All of the senior columns this week are going to provide treatise upon treatise on how to make the most of your Duke career. We have no advice, but suffice it to say that you shouldn't alienate your professor by calling her a cold-hearted redhead with creepy rattails unless you are willing to have her leather-studded boots walk all over you. That said, we are seniors and it is easier to simply make a list of things that you'll never hear a senior say.
(04/16/07 4:00am)
Introduction
(02/05/07 5:00am)
Twenty members of the Duke student body were banned from attending the Duke-UNC men's basketball game scheduled to take place this Wednesday. All were charged with enrolling at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill Kenan-Flagler School of Business, according to a statement from Head Line Monitor Richard White VII, Trinity '08. Recent changes in tenting policy forbid any student affiliated with UNC from attending the game. The policy shift is a consequence of Robbies entering Cameron last year, only to strip off their Duke T-shirts to reveal Carolina blue.
(01/29/07 5:00am)
C-4 Bus Driver at 2 a.m.
(01/22/07 5:00am)
We, James and Joyce, met in LIT 299S: Self-Absorbed European Authors of the 20th Century, where we bonded over our love of Ulysses and hatred for all things Marcel Valentin-Louis-Eugène-Georges Proust. Pretentious snob. We can't imagine a sadder existence than being the pre-emininent Proust scholar in the world, except maybe being the second most pre-eminent Proust scholar.
(12/11/06 5:00am)
Last night, during a short break from thinking about starting to study for finals, I contemplated doing something that would drastically change my life. I knew it would be for the best, and yet when the time came to pull the trigger, I froze up. I couldn't do it. My mind went blank, and I my fingers started shaking.
(12/04/06 5:00am)
I thank the sweet lord every morning I go to Duke. It is a privilege to attend such a prestigious University that presents me with access to most anything I could ask for. And I promise that no matter your interest, Duke will be a gateway for you too.
(11/27/06 5:00am)
The dilemma.. Every one of us faces it, though some more frequently than others. The question that arises more often than any other at college: Should I do it? Should I go out tonight? Academics vs. a social life: this is the battle that defines our college experience, as we slowly learn and our balance between the two evolves.
(11/20/06 5:00am)
Holidays kick ass, don't they? What a fantastic concept: a day designed solely to sleep late and party with those closest to you. And though no one works, somehow commerce is at its peak. Why don't we just make every day a holiday?
(11/13/06 5:00am)
So far this year, Duke sports have yanked me around better than a $5 hooker. The highs and lows have been unbearable. At the moment, we stand as the best men's soccer team in the country and the worst football team. The best moment of the year for our football team was almost beating Wake. How embarrassing is that?
(11/06/06 5:00am)
This past weekend, Duke played host to our aquatic friends from just north: the Naval Academy. In case you didn't notice, these are the dashing young men in uniform who have more discipline in their pinkies then I have in my entire body. These are the boys you bring home to your mother with pride and-you know what?-everyone likes them. I always have the utmost respect for someone serving my country, and now that I'm actually older than many of them, my respect has only increased.
(10/30/06 5:00am)
I, like many others, have a plan to make Duke better, and since I don't have too sexy a vocabulary, I figured I'd just steal someone else's intro and get to the meaty part.
(10/23/06 4:00am)
Our college experience can most readily be defined by one word: change. Often times, the hardest thing about sparking change is realizing that the spark is even needed. Sometimes we Duke students take for granted just how intelligent we are. We see things and instantly make connections that seem so apparent to us; we often overlook the fact that it might not be evident to everyone else.
(10/16/06 4:00am)
Last Thursday will go down as one of the darkest days in recent memory for Duke underclassmen. Two agonizing decisions were made, each allegedly headed by men of nearly equal power and importance to the average Duke student: George W. Bush and Larry Moneta. These decisions have forever changed my life, and the lives of many of my comrades. And the worst part is, I don't see a reason for either one.
(10/02/06 4:00am)
The last few days have been a truly exciting time to be on Duke's campus. This past weekend, in case you were unaware, was Homecoming weekend, which, as far as I've learned, means pretty much nothing to students on campus. It also happened to be Oktoberfest, the German holiday that couldn't have been promoted more heavily by the University despite the fact that it literally reeks of underage drinking.
(09/25/06 4:00am)
Last Thursday, I did something I hadn't done all year: I woke up before 11 a.m. I don't know why, but I just woke up in such a chipper mood that I decided to cruise around campus on my skateboard. I was so relaxed, zipping around without a care in the world; I barely noticed the huge pothole right in front of me.
I hit it, started shaking real hard, and finally had to bail. I wiped out Superman style until I skidded to a halt on my stomach. The incident left me with a broken skateboard, a bruised ego and a gnarly gash in my left leg.
It also left me stranded in a new world, uncharted territory for most Trinity-ers: the Engineering buildings. I had never been 'round these parts before, and previously could do nothing more than speculate as to what it was like.
It was quite a rush, frankly. I had class in 20 minutes and although the walk was probably three minutes from where I was, I honestly had no idea how to get out of there. So, I said screw it. College is all about experimentation, and I was feeling like an explorer. I decided to roam the campus and get to know the real Duke.
Heck, Christopher Columbus has his own day, and he hooked up with that Sacagawea chick. Sounds like a pretty good deal for someone who couldn't have butchered their job any worse.
Class is for sissies anyway.
As it turns out, the Engineering section is a sweet place. The buildings seem pretty rad, and though I couldn't find my way into a bunch of the rooms I wanted to check out, I could tell there was some crazy stuff being done.
The engineers wake up early every morning and come here to work all day on meaningful projects, or more meaningful than my own poetry writing or jazz classes anyway. I don't exactly know what they do, and there's no way I could do it, but I totally respect them for it.
And to my surprise, the area of campus appeared to be as diverse as the rest of Duke. I saw a bunch of kids I knew and had never realized were engineers. I even saw some girls.... they didn't surprise me all that much, but they existed.
Fresh off my engineering revelation, I felt it necessary to spend the rest of my afternoon checking out stuff I'd never seen before. The Divinity school, Bostock, my 2:50, it was all new to me, and frankly, it was eye opening.
That night, still in the exploratory mood, I decided against the obvious Shooter's or George's call and instead visited a place I never thought I'd find myself: the art museum. The Nasher Noir seemed intriguing enough, especially because I didn't have a clue as to what the hell a "Noir" was.
Once again, to my surprise, the place was packed with people I knew. Not only that, but the spread was fantastic. Nothing goes better with wine than brownies and miniature chicken biscuits. Speaking of which, it never hit me before just how easy it would be to get free alcohol at these things. The museum is clearly so desperate for students that like a fat guy at P'Zades, the Nasher would practically give away drinks just to get some action.
I guess I expected the place to be filled half with artsy kids I'd never seen before and half with snobby d-bags looking for an excuse to dress up and act classy. Well, I was wrong. The place was just as diverse as the engineering buildings had been. The frats were well represented, the girls were cute, and there was even a small group of stoners who appeared to be entranced by a 3-D painting of a giant head. They clearly weren't experiencing the green-out the rest of the campus is. Everyone was different, and yet everyone was having a good time with each other. Perhaps it was the booze, but maybe it could just be that they were all interesting people.
The point of all my rambling is that Duke is an über-tight place with even sweeter people, and we often overlook this. I mean, think about it. We could all be stuck in the real world with a job, or worse yet at a state school. We may not have air-conditioning, readily-available food, good media relations, good community relations, a shot at the Final Four, space in our dorm rooms, safety off campus, tailgate, a football win or strippers on campus, but we got each other. And you know what? That's aight with me.
The Morning Wood is beloved by engineers and liberal arts students alike. Tom Segal is still hoping to get some action in the morning at some point this semester.
(09/18/06 4:00am)
After another long night at George's last night, I find myself lying in bed with a wicked hangover and a penis drawn on my face. I somehow get myself to roll out of bed and check my e-mail. There's a solo cup filled half with beer and half with throw up on my desk. My head is spinning as it tries to piece together fuzzy memories. The only discernable feeling I can clearly make out in my body is the shooting pain coming from my stomach. No worries. All I need are some pancakes and a buffalo chicken sandwich, and I'll be good to go. And there it is. I can literally see it outside my window. Rick's is right there, taunting me with remembrances of slow service, dirty food and easily stolen chocolate milks.
(09/04/06 4:00am)
The University has been through a lot since I first stepped foot on this campus a year ago, but perhaps nothing as bad as what transpired Saturday. Today is the first day I am embarrassed to call myself a Duke student.
(04/10/06 4:00am)
It's been a wild few weeks at Duke. And the women's basketball team was slightly disappointed. JACK BAUER'S BIDET didn't monopolize as much space as he usually does last week, and three open letters were omitted. So here they are:
(04/03/06 4:00am)
An Open Letter to Mike Nifong
