Things You'll Never Hear a Senior Say:

All of the senior columns this week are going to provide treatise upon treatise on how to make the most of your Duke career. We have no advice, but suffice it to say that you shouldn't alienate your professor by calling her a cold-hearted redhead with creepy rattails unless you are willing to have her leather-studded boots walk all over you. That said, we are seniors and it is easier to simply make a list of things that you'll never hear a senior say.

• I studied abroad in an English-speaking country.

• I loved every minute I spent on my thesis!

• My Duke education was worth every penny.

• I never use Wikipedia as a source

• I admit it, I have a 3.0 GPA,

• Majoring in science enabled me to have a social life,

• Majoring in humanities enabled me to have a job,

• I have one major with no minors or certificates.

• My certificate is way more important than my major.

• I'm a better person because of T-Reqs

• Duke textbook store saves me money.

• "The Cell" was worth every penny.

• I love it when professors don't use blackboard or email; I only need a paper copy of the syllabus.

• I go to EVERY women's basketball game. In fact, I attend all women's sports.

• Basketball at Duke was so satisfying while I was here.

• I haven't fulfilled ANY of my graduation requirements (and we're not talking about ACES).

• Edens is the best place to live on Campus.

• I'm going to miss The Loop when I graduate.

• I'm so glad that Pauly is not out at 3 a.m. anymore.

• I'll never join Facebook ever. No really, ever. (Not to be mistaken with MySpace, because we hate that thing.)

• The aesthetic appeal of the Bryan Center is overwhelming.

• The aesthetic appeal of the naked statue is overwhelming.

• The $10 million we spent on the plaza was totally worth it.

• The people in DSG are so down-to-earth.

• I'm so glad that I live on Oregon.

• Duke has such an indie art scene.

• Duke is so not clique-ish.

• I've always wanted to be an i-banker.

• Seeing the tiny, tiny freshman makes me feel good about myself.

• Stephen Miller is such an asset to our community.

• I'm so excited about our graduation speaker.

• I've developed such a respect for media outlets. (Nancy Grace is my hero!)

• It's so easy to be vegan here.

• I go to the gym to meet other healthy, self-respecting individuals.

• I was not upset that I didn't get my "Class of 2007 Duke Sophomores" sweatshirt

• I know exactly what goes into the Dillo queso ("Eye of newt, and toe of frog.")

• Ninth Street beats Franklin Street.

• Cosmic has never satisfied my deepest cravings.

• As a Duke student, I love being considered an authority on all things lacrosse .

• I'm morally opposed to illegal downloading.

• I don't drink. Ever.

• I'm a virgin. And I'm not waiting until marriage.

James and Joyce bought SEVEN watermelons for LDOC.

Jessica Ballou and Suparna Salil are extra crispy.