C-4 Bus Driver at 2 a.m.
If I have to explain to these kids one more time how this route works, I think I might just shoot myself in the foot. Shouldn't DUKE imply SMART? How hard is to understand that this route runs after 8 p.m. and MOVE BACK! People, MOVE BACK!
Anyway, it really is quite simple. To get to East from Central you must first go to West, and then take the C-1 to East. We go backwards from the C-2 route, so I expect you to wait on the opposite side of the street-BEFORE I GET THERE.
I hate this night shift. Drunk kids wailing anything Carson Daly played from 1997-2001. I don't want no scrub, a scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me. You try getting it out of your head once you've heard it.
I should make the "No Food or Drink" sign bigger. I see that Busch spilling out of your Solo cup! Really people, have some class. All this hooliganism and they're going to be the future leaders of my country, making millions-What do you mean you meant to pull the chord for the NEXT stop? Some of these conversations are priceless though. "Dude big beers at Satty's are so awesome. Dude, you know what else? Girls, man, girls are awesome. Dude you know what would be totally awesome? A big beer and a girl at THE SAME TIME."
Wow, that girl just dropped her phone in her beer, and she's leaving her DukeCard on the seat. Oh well. Joyce What's-Her-Face will just have to get it tomorrow.
Joyce's Walk of Shame
I can't believe I spent the night. I really need to pee. Does he really have a life-sized poster of "The Kiss?" And Jim Morrison? How generic. Damn it, bathroom's locked. Can't find the keys in this mess of a room.
Oh no, it's 9 a.m. already. I'm meeting my roommate's parents for brunch in an hour. Okay, need to find the clothes... There's the dress-but where're the leggings that make the outfit? Never mind, they can be a memento: nothing says sexy like leggings.
I hope he remembers my name. Cosmo recommended leaving a note. Ah, post-it "Thank you Adam for a good time. Facebook me! XOXO, Joyce." That'll do it. Facebook says I'm looking for dating and a relationship. I hope he takes the hint. I don't want to be known as a frat mattress-none of that random play for me.
Where am I? Edens is so confusing. I managed to go three years at Duke without venturing to Edens, and the one time I hook up with a guy in Edens, I'm living off-campus. Great. Fine, I'll call Safe Rides. What the. my phone isn't turning on. It also smells like beer. Not a good sign-I guess I'll walk back.
Why are all these people so nicely dressed? No, is that... "Hi Laura! Mr. and Mrs. Hume! Off to church I see. I'm. umm. just running some errands. Buying textbooks and such. Yes, yes, I'm still up for brunch. Laura, quick question: Is this dress too formal for the WaDuke? A little bit? No, of course this isn't the same dress from last night. Okay, I'll just run on home and change. See you all soon!"
I really hope they bought that. Last night was totally not worth this embarrassment. I mean, I'm no fan of the clichéd hooking up to "Sexual Healing." But that's infinitely better than making out to the dulcet tones of Ludacris' "Move bitch, get out the way" next door. I'm never doing this again. Done with boys. Well, until Thursday. I hope Adam asks me to his semi. That would be so sweet. Like, super-fantastic totally awesome. Hey there's James. I bet he's shaming it up too.
James' Walk of Shame
Hellz yeah! Who the man? I'm the man! Who the man? I'm the man! Make some noise people, put your hands together for the studmuffin. Hmm. muffin has a pretty girly connotation. Okay okay, give it up for the "sexy luvah," the super stud, the man who's going to rock your world! Who the man? I'm the man! Who the. OW! What was that?
Militant Squirrels on a West Campus Quad
Goose: I'm going in for the kill, locked and loaded.
Maverick: Wind speed 5 mph! 6 meters to target! Fire! Fire!
Goose: Missed! Reload! Reload!
Mav: Back to the tree!
Goose: Roger that.
Fred: What are you doing? You're not playing Top Gun again are you?
Mav: That's right, Iceman! We're heading out.
Goose: I got a single, four o'clock.
Mav: Second that, I'm going in.
Goose: Watch the branch!
Mav: Were we expecting visitors?
Goose: Negative! Hostile detected! Cat at three o'clock. Evasive action!
Mav: I can't shake him! Hostile's all over me!
Goose: Mav! Talk to me!
Mav: Target: male 6:00. Tousled hair, dress shirt. definite walk-o-shamer.
Goose: I'm going in! This one's for you Mav! Fire in the hole! Bingo!
Mav: Mav and Goose 1, Dukie 0. Mission Accomplished.
James and Joyce are stoked about the new party bus. Jessica Ballou and Suparna Salil have no real experience with the walk of shame. We promise.
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