Ballin'

So far this year, Duke sports have yanked me around better than a $5 hooker. The highs and lows have been unbearable. At the moment, we stand as the best men's soccer team in the country and the worst football team. The best moment of the year for our football team was almost beating Wake. How embarrassing is that?

There's even the dilemma of the lax scandal. Evidence against the prosecution's case continues to gather. Good. The "60 Minutes" special. Good. The fact that Nifong has never even spoken to the exotic dancer. Good. Nifong re-elected. Bad. Very bad.

We as a community at Duke haven't needed basketball to come any worse than we do now, and finally, it has arrived. While we still have to deal with the fall season for a bit longer, at least we can now sit back and watch our boys of the hardwood (hehe).

Without further ado, the preview to the 2006-2007 College Basketball season, Morning Wood Style:

The (Morning) Wooden Award: Player of the Year

Goes to. Josh McRoberts.

What? You expected differently? You think I'm biased. Well, you're damn right I'm biased. I go to Duke motherf-er, I'm better than you. I want your heart. I want to eat your children.

But seriously, the collective sigh of relief when McRoberts announced his return to the team last year could be heard all over Durham, and for good reason. Josh is potentially the best player on the team at every position, which may or may not be a good thing.

Greg Paulus.

I don't think I've ever seen one without the other. They are inseparable. And let's be honest. Greg seems like kind of a softie. I can't imagine him as a football player. If anything were to happen to that relationship, it could be devastating.

Greg is an extremely streaky player. The same guy who tied Duke's record for assists in a game could also turn the ball over 10 times on any given night. When he balls, we sizzle. When he struggles, we fizzle.

He also seems sensitive enough to let personal stuff get into his head.

This relationship has always intrigued me. I mean, they both seem to eat, sleep and drink basketball. They probably watch old tapes of Bobby Hurley every night and then go run some suicides.

The Elderly Morning Wood Award: Most Proud Moment of the Year

Goes to. Jon Scheyer.

Most of you don't know what it's like to be a Jewish boy. It sucks. Every Jewish boy dreams of being an athlete, and every one of us knows it ain't happenin'. It's just part of the struggle of Jewish life. But of all sports for a Jew to make it in, none poses more obstacles than basketball, a sport built on two fundamental elements: size and athleticism.

But when Jon took the court against Columbia in Duke's regular season opener, Jews across campus held their heads high. If he can do it, we all can do it. And not only that, but he seems to be pretty good.

All Jewish boys claim to be three-point gunners (because honestly, what else could we possibly be good at?). Well, he is one.

With J.J. gone and our best returning outside shooter potentially being our center, we need Scheyer to step it up. Can he do it? Can he handle the pressure of carrying Duke's Jewish Community on his shoulders? I say, "yes, yes he can."

Kudos, Jon. You've made a believer out of me. L'Chaim!

The Morning Twig Award: Least Exciting Occurrence

Goes to. The K-ville Tenting Schedule.

There is only one game (Carolina, obvi) scheduled for tenting this year. I realize that the rest of the ACC is pretty mediocre, but you can't tell me that the Crazies wouldn't tent two weeks to see Wake or BC come to town. I just don't see what the point of tenting is if they don't have tenting for those games.

Now, I couldn't care less about this. I wouldn't last 20 minutes in a tent, but there are many in our community who thrive on tenting. It's what keeps them going. They may be composed mostly of girls who know as much about the sport of basketball as I know about macramé, but they're still people and they deserve to be treated as such.

Duke is known for basketball. Duke Basketball is known for the Crazies. The Crazies are known for tenting. Why intentionally break tradition?

The Morning Wood Season Prediction:

After a slow start in the pre-ACC season, the young Devils find their groove as they begin to mesh. After toppling the undefeated Tar Heels at home on Feb. 7, the media jumps all over the Duke bandwagon. After a heartbreaking loss to end the regular season in Carolina, McRoberts leads a dominating effort in the ACC tournament.

Duke receives a No. 1 seed in the Big Dance. Dick Vitale gets some serious morning wood. Duke is then knocked off by Indiana in the annual going-out game: the Sweet Sixteen. Three days later, McRoberts, Gerald Henderson and Jamal Boykin all announce their intentions to leave early for the NBA Draft. The process repeats itself next year.

Yup, gotta love Duke Basketball, baby.

The Morning Wood used to be known as "Master of the Hard Wood" back in his AAU days. Tom Segal is terrified of gallivanting pirates.