Hungry, hungry sophomores

After another long night at George's last night, I find myself lying in bed with a wicked hangover and a penis drawn on my face. I somehow get myself to roll out of bed and check my e-mail. There's a solo cup filled half with beer and half with throw up on my desk. My head is spinning as it tries to piece together fuzzy memories. The only discernable feeling I can clearly make out in my body is the shooting pain coming from my stomach. No worries. All I need are some pancakes and a buffalo chicken sandwich, and I'll be good to go. And there it is. I can literally see it outside my window. Rick's is right there, taunting me with remembrances of slow service, dirty food and easily stolen chocolate milks.

How is it possible/legal/moral for Rick's to remain empty? It's like some sick prank that Dick Brodhead is playing on Edens, some kind of "F%*@ You" stemming from the Ryan McFadyen media coverage. Honestly, half the food I eat is consumed between the hours of 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. This Rick's absence has got to end. For God sakes, now where are drunken girls supposed to get cheap dimes at three in the morning?

But this new place Tommy's is coming in, I'm told. Well? Where is it? How can it take such a long time for this process to occur? And in the meantime, do they have to keep the Rick's sign up there? I swear every time I walk through McClendon, I feel like that sign is laughing at me. McDonald's is now open 24 hours a day. Spectacular. Do you have any idea how far it is to get to McDonald's? I actually burn off my meal every time I eat there just walking back to my room. Until McDonald's starts doing late-night delivery (which would be amazing and could definitely work), it might as well be in "Central Territory" for me.

The food situation on campus has become pathetic. I tried eating at the Blue Devil Beanery the other day. My blueberry scone was merely a mirage, as there were no blueberries to be found on the inside, not to mention a fairly cornbreadish scone. My iced mocha latte quite frankly sucked. And yes, I realize that I'm publicly emasculating myself.

No one wants to say it, but Alpine is terrible, and yet it's packed everyday. I don't get it. It somehow got this allure of being the place to be from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m., but the food is horrible. I would pay for a New York deli to be put in place of Alpine. Seriously, I made some bank this summer; how much could it possibly cost?

Alpine has amazingly not just remained in existence, but has actually thrived solely off of its music. Do you think the first person to create an Alpine mix had any idea the impact they would have? The music is legitimately the entire business.

I have been at Duke for a little over a year now, and if there is one thing that drives me crazy about this campus, it is the service at Alpine. Specifically, and I know I am not alone here, I can't stand Rio. He is horrible. There is even a Facebook group for students who want to vent about how terribly he screwed up their sandwiches. He is always angry, never makes the sandwich you want, and takes FOREVER. Honestly, if you were going to get mad every time someone ordered a sandwich, is working at Alpine really the place for you?

Then again, it must be pretty fun to live your life pushing over-privileged Dukies' patiences knowing that no one cares enough to do anything about it.