Even as a vicious pandemic sweeps across the world, the LDOC concert will go on.
Although you won't get the same this-guy-next-to-me-is-way-too-sweaty, please-stop-grinding-in-front-of-me-or-I-will-call-my-mother experience of an in-person LDOC, the campus concerts committee announced that the "Lofi hip hop beats to study to" Spotify playlist will be this year's featured performer.
Students will be encouraged to begin the playlist simultaneously at 5 p.m. on LDOC to foster a faint sense of cohesion and camaraderie among the student body, who will have lost contact with all their peers by that point.
"As everyone lies in their bed and stares at the ceiling in vain hope that this was an actual concert with friends, we hope this year's choice will be able to lift everyone's spirits," committee chair Pan Dora said. "If you close your eyes and think hard enough, you'll be able to envision an artist you've never heard of jumping around onstage while your peers hastily leave the quad to vomit in the bushes."
Students expressed mixed responses to the announcement.
"I really applaud the committee's choice this year," sophomore Iwant Bier told The Chomicle. "Nursing a Miller Lite in bed while listening to Spotify is how I normally spend my Wednesday nights anyway."
However, some students are disappointed they won't be on campus to watch classmates who they previously respected make utter fools of themselves.
"Watching people turn into the worst version of themselves is really a time-honored Duke tradition, celebrated often, but especially on LDOC," senior Iwanna Stay explained. "It won't be the same sitting at home and maintaining respect for all my peers."
Editor's Note: Happy April Fools' Day! In case you couldn't tell, this was a story for our satirical edition, The Chomicle. Check out more Chomicle stories here, guaranteed to make you laugh or your money back.
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