The independent news organization of Duke University
As an expert reporter for The Chronicle, I’ve been assigned to hand in my pen, but I’m not ready to do that.
As an expert reporter for the Chronicle, I was assigned to write this stupid ass puff piece for my last satirical article as Monday Monday.
My RA swore I had to follow the dry campus policy, but I could smell the alcohol on their breath through the Oculus’s 5-sense features.
There’s a quote that I like from Luke Farrell’s Department Of Interview last year. Department Of asks him, “Fill in the blank: You know you’re a Duke student if...” He responds, “Uh, um, you pretend to be an extrovert.”
Perhaps the hardest part of this pandemic is surviving in quarantine. Toilet Paper is at an all-time low. Please consider using both Tar Heel Shirts and your old midterms to wipe your ass.
Duke’s Independent Housing reform worked closely with BIG SAD on this project, which was inspired by the frat guys who went to Me Too Monologues in order to use their performative feminism to pick up women.
These extra six weeks will be torture for all at Duke—and our Instagram followers.
Treat it like your Facebook feed—scroll through the snippets quickly, accept them as fact and then talk about them in your public policy class as if you’re an expert.
You can imagine, therefore, how nice it is to write an anonymous column where no one will look at my face and pass a judgement.
And I'll never forget those words you said next: "They did surgery on a grape." It was cold that night. But you were so warm.
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