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But, if it can serve as any condolence, US News & World Report finally placed Duke in the top 10 list for “Schools that Steal from Poor People.””
Just a barren wasteland of Keystone Light cans and Kroger brand sod 48 hours before, by Sunday morning, K-Ville was transformed.
“I’m all for this change and getting out the vote,” she explained, “but I am a little bit nervous about me and my sorority sisters because this weird thing happens when we get drunk where we become Republicans, and I know we aren’t the only ones.”
“MAY CAUSE UNWANTED SOBER REFLECTION”
Despite rumors that he would be out of shape and unable to keep up with the modern masked-and-vaxxed playing style of the league, COVID proved that he is still the best in the game after racking up 304 points in one week, the highest total in University history.
This has been my favorite thing that I have done at Duke. I say without an ounce of exaggeration that it has been the honor of my college career to serve as your plague jester.
“Playing basketball is, like, really hard,” said player Michael Savarino. “It’s like...sheesh! Y’know?”
The following slam-poetry monologue, entitled “Normalize Camera-Off”, was submitted by Monday Monday to be performed in the Me Too Monologues showcase. It was rejected.
Over the past two years, the ambiguously fictional/satirical social group Wungus has been at the center of a vast web of conspiracies threatening to bring the Duke community to its knees.
This story is not part of a series about the Class of 2024 based on a survey conducted by The Chronicle.
