The independent news organization of Duke University
“What if we made mobile orders into NFTs?”
This new housing option provides a variety of benefits for students, such as being closer to classrooms and libraries, making sure each resident gets plenty of fresh air, and promoting a better sleep schedule by getting rid of the ability to ignore the sun in the morning.
The progress flowed faster than you can say “Milton Friedman is kinda the GOAT fr.”
When one of our benches goes down, the culprits must suffer the wrath of a thousand perfectly sanctioned and marshaled flames.
But, if it can serve as any condolence, US News & World Report finally placed Duke in the top 10 list for “Schools that Steal from Poor People.””
Just a barren wasteland of Keystone Light cans and Kroger brand sod 48 hours before, by Sunday morning, K-Ville was transformed.
“I’m all for this change and getting out the vote,” she explained, “but I am a little bit nervous about me and my sorority sisters because this weird thing happens when we get drunk where we become Republicans, and I know we aren’t the only ones.”
“MAY CAUSE UNWANTED SOBER REFLECTION”
Despite rumors that he would be out of shape and unable to keep up with the modern masked-and-vaxxed playing style of the league, COVID proved that he is still the best in the game after racking up 304 points in one week, the highest total in University history.
This has been my favorite thing that I have done at Duke. I say without an ounce of exaggeration that it has been the honor of my college career to serve as your plague jester.