New pre-professional society to focus on bumming around

It’s the start of the spring semester, and Duke’s highly selective organizations have descended upon campus to recruit impressionable underclassmen into their ranks. Potential recruits can look forward to a new organization to add to the expansive list: the last DSG Senate hearing saw the charter approval of Beta Upsilon Mu — Duke’s newest pre-professional organization for students who reject pre-professionalism.

Senior Kyle Klimber, president of Beta Upsilon Mu, spoke at the DSG hearing about the need for the new club: “So much of selective social life at Duke is oriented toward people who have their s*** together. Where is the selective social life for those of us who don’t?”

“Not everyone needs to have a five, 10 or 15-year plan,” continued Klimber, who plans to travel around Europe after graduation on a year-long trip paid for by his dad who works at an investment banking firm. 

“Beta Upsilon Mu is Duke’s premier self-discovery-focused organization that fosters an environment of access and a home for students seeking a more real Duke experience,” reads the statement on the organization’s website, “Beta Upsilon Mu promotes an innovative, cutting-edge rigorous approach to chillaxing.” 

“It’s so refreshing to be a part of a community that isn’t focused on ‘pre-professionality’ and ‘making money.’ I want a place where I can just chill and be me, you know?” said sophomore Shtatas Quo, who spent his winter break on a journey of self discovery fueled by psychedelics . 

Beta promises admits a robust set of resources to aid in post-graduation ventures, including an alumni network boasting esteemed Duke graduates in jobs like professional ice sculpture maker, Etsy craftsmanship and podcasting. Beta Upsilon Mu also offers its members a six to eight week training program with weekly tutorials and presentations on topics like business analysis, self-analysis, exercises in meditation and joint-rolling classes. 

While most pre-professional societies do not have a residential section, Beta Upsilon Mu members creatively promote residential connections by commandeering a new common room to couch-surf in every week.

“I love Beta Upsilon,” said junior Brother Lelove, "It gives me a space where I feel like I can just be myself. And our rush chairs ensure that only total chillers get in.”

Following the charter approval, Beta brothers were spotted on Abele Quad alternating between reading deeply philosophical literature, pondering life and overall having a great time not going to class. 

Beta Upsilon Mu rush takes place the first week of February. First-week rush events include information sessions with times of “whenever, you’re all going to show up late anyway,”  and themes of “vibe sesh!” 

By deploying various AI-generated quips and personality quirks and integrating 20 different Google Calendars, Monday Monday has finally been able to rush every single selective organization on campus. Tier list soon to follow.


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