The independent news organization of Duke University

Ranking Duke’s stadiums, by how easy they are to break into

The Chomicle

Editor's Note - All articles featured in The Chomicle are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

Every fan dreams that they could be the one on the field, under the bright lights. And countless people who have watched Duke football have asked themselves whether they would really look out of place in that starting lineup.

Here at The Chomicle, we believe in following your dreams. Which is why we decided to break into all 10 facilities that Duke uses for athletic competition.

Ranked from easiest to most difficult:

Morris Williams Track

Even if the fence weren't 2 feet tall, they don’t even lock the gate into Morris Williams. Sprint your heart out.

Koskinen Stadium

Do you stand taller than 3-and-a-half feet off the ground? Well then congratulations, you’re tall enough to step over the fence and onto the hallowed turf of Koskinen, home to the soccer and lacrosse teams. The view from the field is magnificent, especially at sunset, though turf always leaves something to be desired.

Wallace Wade Stadium

You’d think a bowl with tall, sharp fences would be more difficult to get into—but sometimes they just leave the back gate open! You can simply bike right onto the football field from Cameron Blvd. It’s so easy to get onto Brooks Field, you’d think subtext was dead!

Jack Katz Stadium

With a mild amount of physical exertion required, Jack Katz manages to distinguish itself from the easiest stadia. Step over a 3-foot fence, walk down some stairs, and scale a fence no higher than 10 feet tall. Congrats, you play field hockey now.

Sheffield Tennis Center

Another entry into the esteemed category of “sometimes they leave the back door open.” Only there’s a lot of doors into Sheffield and I got lost. It’s very dry in there.

Jack Coombs Field

Turns out Duke has a completely idle baseball stadium just sitting behind some trees in the athletics campus. The fences are tall, but it’s not like there’d be anyone to notice you in there anyway. Mess around, exercise squatter’s rights, really make it your own.

Duke Softball Stadium

The outfield fence isn’t particularly tall, but with the stadium facing directly onto an open field and the East Campus Loop running trail, you’re a dead duck in broad daylight if you’re not careful. Best save the softball stadium for midsummer nights, the kind free of hanky-panky.

Ambler Tennis Stadium

You’d think, with Ambler being an outdoor stadium and having no mechanism by which to restrict its stands, that it would be easy to break into. Unfortunately, its fences feel a lot taller than they look. I may be walking in an ankle brace, but I was also the sole person to rally in Ambler this past summer, so who’s the real winner here?

Taishoff Aquatics Pavilion

(Editor’s note: at time of field research, the author was unaware Duke had a swimming and diving program.)

Cameron Indoor Stadium

It turns out that you can simply lock the doors to a building. The Chomicle regrets its hubris. 

(For legal reasons, this is all a joke. Don’t try this at home, kiddos.)

Editor's Note: Happy April Fools' Day! In case you couldn't tell, this was a story for our satirical edition, The Chomicle. Check out more Chomicle stories here, guaranteed to make you laugh or your money back. 


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