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EXCLUSIVE: Beachside Cabo interview with junior Steven Kinzer, who asked to remain anonymous

The Chomicle

Despite Duke asking students to stay home during wellness days, some ignored those rules for a weeklong getaway in Cabo. Among those: Steven Kinzer, a Trinity junior who asked to remain anonymous. 

“Dude, I’ll talk to you, but you really can’t put my name in this story,” Kinzer said while waiting for a Bud Light at the beachside bar. “My boy back home’s taking one for the team and doing my ‘rona tests and you’ll blow my whole cover if my name’s in this.”

Kinzer, who feared retribution from administrators, has brown hair, brown but sort-of-hazel-in-the-right-light eyes and goes by Kinz to his friends. 

“My Duke ID says Steven though, but come on man, you really can’t put my name in it,” he added.

He told The Chomicle that he decided to leave town as soon as he saw the built-in wellness days this spring but spent weeks planning to make sure that he wasn’t caught. He has friends using his ID on campus—”they’re even dropping by JB’s so it looks like I’m grabbing a steak”—and sticking cotton swabs up their noses to make sure he isn’t caught. 

“This is all off the record though, right man?” he said when explaining the details of his plan. “My name’s definitely not going on the website or in print right?” 

Editor's Note: Happy April Fools' Day! In case you couldn't tell, this was a story for our satirical edition, The Chomicle. Check out more Chomicle stories here, guaranteed to make you laugh or your money back. 


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