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Before we get started today, I would like to point out that our men's and women's basketball teams outscored ECU and Army by a total score of 209-99. And the football team beat UNC by -2.
"The art of flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
So Nan read the column about my day as Coach K and left me a voice mail.
As you may have noticed, there was a career fair a few weeks ago. Realizing a grand opportunity when I see one, I went. After a few seconds in the Bryan Center, I got that familiar sinking feeling. I was in the elevator again, too lazy to take the stairs to the Armadillo Grill. After some "steak" fajitas and three bottles of Miller High Life, it was time to scope the job market.
Last Tuesday night I went out and got so wasted. I, THE PUPPETMASTER, was working such mad game all over campus. I am, like, the coolest and THE PATSY is just jealous.
Chronicle columnist Karan Pentcil (name changed to protect the innocent) didn't get enough of her crap into the paper last Friday, so she asked THE SECOND GUNMAN for a favor. I was too lazy to write any funny stuff for today, so it helps me out too. We're symbiotic like that. Besides, the editors are too busy sorting through Nick Christie's hate mail to even read what I write. And who needs humor when there's Cosmo to read?
Last night, THE SECOND GUNMAN dreamt he was Coach K. Here is how his day went.
Before I get started, I have an announcement to make. THE SECOND GUNMAN is turning pro after this season and would prefer to be called "Jay" from now on. Jay will refer to himself in the first person plural from here on out.A Professional athletes and egomaniacs commonly refer to themselves in the third person, but we would like to set a standard of originality.
