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Researchers uncover Mayan text predicting 2022 Duke-UNC Final Four matchup

Think your bracket was good? Well, think again—Duke researchers uncovered an ancient Mayan codex days ago predicting a Duke-UNC matchup in the Final Four.

The paper—adorned with embellished artistry and a title translating to “2022 March Mania Basketball Tournament”—is the oldest known document to predict a matchup between Duke and North Carolina in the Final Four. Although many scholars throughout the pre-Columbian world had mused about such a possibility, none had been bold enough to set down such a fateful prediction in writing.

“It’s well established that the Greeks and Romans debated such notions in high society, but anyone who suggested the possibility of Duke and North Carolina meeting in New Orleans was laughed out of the room,” said Nos Tradamus, associate professor of classical studies. “There was some discussion in Syria about the idea around the turn of the 1100s, but it led to a vicious civil war that pretty much made the issue taboo for centuries to follow.”

Yet academics have recently learned that equally passionate debates were taking place in the New World, though there was little hard evidence until one week ago, when a team of Duke researchers discovered the codex in modern-day Belize.

“There’s been a lot of scholarly debate as far as how to treat this prediction,” noted Archie Ologist, who led the team that uncovered the document. “Like the Mayans had Kentucky getting to the Elite Eight and had Villanova losing in the second round, so I’m not exactly sure what to think of it.”

Busted ancient brackets notwithstanding, Blue Devil fans everywhere are taking solace in this sign from the ancient world. Facsimile copies have already sprung up to adorn offices across the country, and the original copy is being flown to New Orleans, where it will rest in the Duke locker room.

“Ever since the world didn’t end in 2012, the Mayans have gotten a pretty bad rap. Like I personally sent some texts and calls I shouldn’t have that night,” lifelong Duke fan Geaux Devils said. “But with this prediction, my faith is restored.”

Editor's Note: Happy April Fools' Day! In case you couldn't tell, this was a story for our satirical edition, The Chomicle. Check out more Chomicle stories here, guaranteed to make you laugh or your money back.

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