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University to reimburse housing and dining fees with Monopoly money

The Chomicle

In a mass Snap to the Duke community, University administrators announced their plan to reimburse students for unused dining and housing fees. 

Duke will pay every student—regardless if they’re paying in full, on financial aid or a merit scholar—back in Monopoly money, straight from Duke’s Monopoly endowment of $200 billion. Duke also committed to being the only university in the country bold enough to pay its contract workers in Monopoly money.

The Monopoly Man himself, Shortman Flask, explained to The Chomicle why Duke made the decision.

“We heard all these annoying complaints,” he said. “‘Hey, when am I going to get the money we paid that my family needs to feed extra mouths at home?’ ‘I’m on full financial aid, but my parents could really use some cash because they weren’t preparing for us kids to be at home.’ Blah blah blah. We were like, ‘enough already.’”

Merry Penny McMoney, vice president for campus evacuation, explained that the distribution of the money would also fit with the spirit of Monopoly. 

“We’ll make students go in laps with the confusing website and forms sent out to calculate the distribution,” she explained from North Carolina Avenue. “Every time they have to restart the process after getting incensed and slamming their computer shut, we’ll add an extra $200 in Monopoly money to their reimbursement.”

McMoney also chided students who argued a reimbursement in Monopoly money is “insulting” and “not actual currency.”

“Students who are saying Monopoly money is useless are deluding themselves,” she said. “Just wait till you get a hotel on Park Place, and boom, you’re set.”

Editor's Note: Happy April Fools' Day! In case you couldn't tell, this was a story for our satirical edition, The Chomicle. Check out more Chomicle stories here, guaranteed to make you laugh or your money back. 

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