Imagine this: you've just settled down for a nice little nap in Page Auditorium, ready to rest your weary head, exhausted from the week's activities. No sooner has the drool begun to pool in the left corner of your mouth than you are awakened by something soft brushing against your slumbering lips. You open your groggy little lids, and what to your wondering eyes should appear?
A two-foot long dildo resting in your mouth.
Sound too good to be true? Not if you're at the Upright Citizens' Brigade show in Page Auditorium last Friday, and you're the guy sleeping in the back row. Apparently the abundant references to ass-pennies, sperm-filled ice cube trays and a woman taking a dump on her friend's bathroom floor weren't enough to keep one sleep-deprived spectator awake enough to escape the wrath of Little Donny's monster dingus. As the victim dozed innocently in the back row of the theater, he was rudely awakened by one of the troupe's members.
And yes, we do mean that kind of member.
Recess caught up with Matt Besser, the UCB member who portrays Little Donny, a special boy afflicted with magnimus-obliviophallocytis, a rare disorder that causes abnormal penis growth. When asked to give his take on the incident, he responded, "If you fall asleep during a UCB show you're going to get a dick in your mouth. The guy was pretty stoned out so I imagine he was dreaming about the scenes that we were doing. And maybe while he was asleep we jacked his brain into a virtual reality matrix while his body remains comatose in the back of our van while a dick continues to be in his mouth. Nobody really knows."
Sometimes it pays to get stuck in the back row.
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