Club curling member spotted in WU, flocked by student fans

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Fifth-year Ben Chwarmer, starting lead for the club curling team, was spotted by students ordering lunch in Western Union Wednesday afternoon, prompting diners to swarm him and ask for autographs.

“It’s always a good day when Ben comes to WU,” said first-year Fang Irl, while posting a Fizz notifying others of Chwarmer’s whereabouts. “I love staring at him as he walks by me. I hope he asks me for my Snap today!”

Students had not seen Chwarmer in WU throughout the semester since he was busy traveling to club curling events. However, with the season at an end and the club curling natty secured, students speculated a possible upcoming appearance in WU.

Today was that day.

First-year Duke Student Government representatives were stationed around campus to stalk him and post updates of his whereabouts as a part of the organization’s pledging process.

Link Edin, first-year senator and aspiring DSG president, first spotted Chwarmer entering WU. He said he was hiding behind a bush as he saw Chwarmer on his Ripstik heading towards the Brodhead Center from the West Campus bus stop. Edin coined this experience as “one of the most thrilling moments” of his life.

“I’d do this any day, even if it didn’t go on my resume,” Edin said.

According to Iwanna B. Layed, the latest trend has been for students to have Chwarmer sign their foreheads with a sharpie. It is a form of social hierarchy to make sure other students know that they have met the superstar, she clarified.

Unfortunately for Chwarmer, who said he was just trying to get his shrimp skewers from JBs, he stands at a whopping 6 foot 9 inches and has Duke Blue highlights in his hair, making him nearly impossible to miss. When he entered WU with the natty trophy in hand, students flocked to him, grabbing at his luscious blue hair and club athlete backpack.

“Chwarmer!!!” echoed across Wu. “Sign my forehead!”

Sophomore Dez Perate was one of the lucky ones whom Charmer blessed. Perate shared that Chwarmer asked her where his hug was at, and that she could not resist the offer.

“I think he’s going to ask me to come over to his place tonight,” Perate said, giggling and sh*t. “This is my moment to shine.”

Editor's Note: Happy April Fools' Day! In case you couldn't tell, this was a story for our satirical edition, The Chomicle. Check out more Chomicle stories here, guaranteed to make you laugh, or at least cry. 


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