Though I’m genuinely grateful for my education shaping me into a thoughtful individual, I find myself asking a crucial question—has my ability to critique shrouded my ability to love?
I am overloading this semester with a class about Rumi, the great Sufi poet. Rumi’s poetry shows us that love does not have to be sexual or romantic. Rather, love is an experiential phenomenon that can precipitate out of any relationship. And when you love purely, you become part of the Divine Beloved. Love urges us to love for the sake of pushing ourselves beyond our ego, and this is why love is dangerous. You won’t ever understand what love is—a divine love, a motherly love, or a romantic love—until you love something. Until you go beyond yourself.
I’m not usually a romantic. The only hearts I wear on my sleeves are those that come stitched on. But this notion of to love-be loved got me thinking. What have I loved during my Duke experience? Have I ever left this culture of chaos and busyness to explore something beyond myself? Or have I succumbed to the Duke curriculum and become a full-time Duke curriculum?
Searching introspectively, I realized that my answer was a little harder to unearth.
Duke has molded me into a more critical student. Courses have left me fluent in theories and paradigms and –isms. Case studies have trained my eyes to detect the problem and labs have taught me how to derive solutions. I spent my due diligence inquiring into ethics, politics, policies, systems and methods. My classes have prepared me to question and doubt anything put before me. Through this, I'm afraid I've confused a critical mind with the critical need to love.
I’d like to believe that’s not the case, but when you only see evil on your campus, you begin to question your genuineness.
The adhan reversal? So much for safe places and religious pluralism. $51M Science Drive parking garage? How is this any more convenient? They basically built it for the football fans. Friend who won’t return calls? Obviously hiding something. Duke graduation at Durham Bulls Athletic Park? Are you kidding me Duke? First you take my Subway, then you take mama’s only chance to see Wallace Wade. Thanks but nope—no thanks.
Duke has hardened me. It has taken my naiveté and ignorance away and replaced it with an urge to criticize. And to never stop. Maybe that’s what education looks like in human form. But, as students, soon to be leaders in the world, it’s imperative we make room for the uninhibited, raw love on campus. This is even most crucial as our university is experiencing backlash for many issues on a national and international level. It’s ok to get mad at Duke. It’s ok to protest and sign petitions and campaign. It’s ok to admit your university is wrong.
But don’t let this take away from your Duke experience. Don’t let this take away your ability to love, in hopes of realizing what it is to be loved. There are too many opportunities on campus afforded to you because you are you. As individual humans, there will always be parts of us that need to be worked on. Institutions are no different, especially wealthy institutions.
To underclasswomen and underclassmen, there are many opportunities on campus that are waiting for you. Go discover a place that moves and inspires you, like the Nasher Museum of Art, Duke gardens, Lemur Center, or the Duke Athletics Hall of Fame.
Take the time to appreciate a talent, like music, painting, or writing. These skills not only showcase your humanness in this culture of busyness, but they also allow you to see a part of yourself that does not precipitate throughout your daily activities and interactions.
Experience a home Duke basketball game. There is nothing comparable to the energy, community and spirit found in Cameron. (And if you’re even more adventurous, tent! Nothing says community than 12 bodies sleeping head-toe in a tent).
It’s taken me a few years (basically all 4 years) to separate the love for my university from the hate for my university. But I have. All of us have lovable parts as we have workable parts, and this realization has helped me freely live while also never forgetting my need to intensely work.
Don’t let Duke harden you—Go love.
Because you won’t ever understand what love is until you love.
Leen El-Sadek is a Trinity senior. Her column runs every other Thursday.
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