If you are ever lucky enough find yourself in northern South Carolina in the early part of May, you might just have the privilege of witnessing one of nature's strangest phenomenons-the annual migration of Duke students from their native Durham, North Carolina, to the warm breeding-grounds of Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.
This weeklong pilgrimage is one of the most peculiar things that nature has to offer. As long as anyone can remember, Duke students have been making this southward trek every year without fail, as if compelled to do so by some instinctual urge.
Although scientists have yet to successfully explain the logic behind this behavior, many are still fascinated by this occurrence, which has often been described as one of nature's most disturbing sights.
Come migration time, this peculiar species of college student will, without warning, pack up their vehicles and start on the four-hour journey in small packs. The packs usually consist of anywhere from three to eight students and are generally exclusively male or female. Although the actual migration would not be considered especially out of the ordinary in relation to other species, it is when the students arrive at their destination that the bizarre and inexplicable behavior begins.
Scientists are fairly certain that the main function of this migration is mating. However, try as they might, these same scientists do no understand why students must relocate before mating. It does not seem as though any of the behaviors that occur in Myrtle couldn't have just as easily occurred at Duke. In Myrtle, Duke males associate exclusively with Duke females, and the mating tactics employed by those males do not seem to vary at all from those that one can observe on a weekly basis at Duke.
The mating habits of this strange species are as disturbing as they are perplexing. For males and females alike, mating in Myrtle involves set rituals, which experts believe have changed little from those practiced by migrating Duke students thousands of years ago.
The ritual begins as the sun goes down and the Duke student rouses from a long day of sleeping. It begins with the consumption of near-lethal doses of mind-altering beverages. At this point, the males and females are separate, and both groups still seem to behave somewhat normally.
However, as the male continues to consume the beverages, one can see his excitement level go up and his general intelligence level begin to go down. Likewise, the female's reaction to the beverage seems to be the loss of all common sense, along with most, but not all, of her clothes.
Once both the male and female have consumed enough beverage, they both set out to the breeding grounds, minus all inhibitions and common sense. What follows is by no means attractive.
At this point, I encourage anybody with a weak stomach to stop reading.
When the males and females encounter each other at the meeting spot, a very peculiar thing occurs. Despite the fact that they had been together fewer than 48 hours previous, they both become extremely excited to see one another and act as if they've been separated for a very long time. This curious behavior is oftentimes accompanied by further consumption of beverage, as well as loud, indecipherable mating calls.
Often, the place in which the students meet is filled with bubbles or foam. Although this tends to fuel the excited state of the students, it generally doesn't take long before the foam is completely infused with vomit, blood and various other bodily excretions making for an extremely unsanitary mating environment.
Eventually the males and females pair off and retreat to hotel rooms, rented houses, bathrooms or dark corners, and the mating commences. Ironically, as they are in the process of doing this, they have often been observed shouting things like, "What happens in Myrtle stays in Myrtle!" Subjects seem completely oblivious to the fact that they are sharing a summer storage unit with the person they are about to share fluids with (interestingly enough, genital warts do not tend to "stay in Myrtle").
This disturbing behavior carries on for several nights, and then, without warning, the students pack up and return to Duke just as suddenly as they left.
However, not all students are lucky enough to make it through unscathed. The weak and sickly tend to get picked off first in Myrtle. The males generally end up in cells, and the females tend to wake up alone feeling dirty with no recollection of the previous night's events.
What strange and confusing creatures these Duke students are when placed out of their natural environment.
Jake Grodzinsky is a Trinity junior. This is his final column.
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