When I first came to this school, I had it all figured out. I was riding high. I had just aced my GED test and then had been accepted into Duke (if the admissions office asks, I'm an Eskimo from North Carolina whose parents both went to Duke).
I was ready to come into Duke and take over. My plan was simple-be confident. I figured that if I just went into every part of University life with unwavering confidence, I would be unstoppable.
I was wrong.
It took me a while to realize that it wasn't confidence that I was lacking-it was intelligence.
I don't know if it was the first time I confidently raised my hand in class and answered a question just to have the teacher ask the question again more slowly, or the first (and last) time I confidently attempted to read an e-reserve for class just to be painfully reminded of my illiteracy. But somewhere along the way I realized that it didn't matter how much confidence I had, because, despite what my mom says, I was, and still am, the Dumbest Kid at Duke-or, as I like to call it, D-KAD.
It's been two and a half years since that painful realization and in that time I have encountered several kids who challenged me for my D-KAD title. But I could not conclusively say I was smarter than any of them.
However, instead of letting it get me down, I accepted my D-KAD status and moved on. I decided just to make the best of it instead of resenting all those private-schooled, rich, snobby nerds who were smarter than me.
Although being the D-KAD is not a very coveted position at Duke, I have found that it really isn't as bad as one might think. In fact, I feel like my time as the D-KAD has given me a lot of insight into Duke life that I never would have been exposed to otherwise.
When things like graduate school, participation in class discussion and being on the upper half of the curve aren't an option, you tend to go into classes with slightly different priorities and mindsets from your average Duke student.
Most kids go into classes with goals like acing tests and getting A's. For a short time, I too went into classes with goals like those, but I soon found this to be completely unrealistic. While I have aced a test or two in my time, for the most part they have been AIDS tests, sobriety tests and drug tests (actually I got C+ on that one).
And although I've gotten plenty of papers back with A's on them, generally the A isn't actually the grade, but rather the beginning of a phrase such as, "Absolutely wrong," or "Ask me about community college," or "As I said before, you need tutoring."
I found that the more invested I was in the scores and grades from my classes, the more miserable my life tended to be. The more I let the grades I received determine the way I felt about the class, the less I actually ended up learning. So eventually I decided that enough was enough, and I made a major lifestyle change.
I just decided to stop caring about grades.
I no longer look at my grades at the end of the semester and the result is two-fold. Not only do I save myself about two weeks of semi-suicidal depression a year, but my enjoyment of classes also goes way up.
It's hard to describe the feeling of freedom that comes from going through a whole class and never once wondering whether something will be on the test or if you've spoken enough to get your class participation grade for the day.
Now I know a lot of you guys and girls out there are planning on going to med school, law school, etc., after college, and you need every little point you can get. But to all my fellow dummies out there who know that enough is enough with college, take some advice from the biggest dummy around: stop torturing yourself over grades.
Your class rank is in no way based on how much you're learning, and in five years nobody will give a damn about what your GPA was in college.
I know this isn't funny anymore, but it's okay-nobody's still reading this, anyways. And if you are still reading, what the hell are you doing? I just said I was the dumbest kid at Duke-why would you keep reading? Now that's dumb!
Jake Grodzinsky is a Trinity junior. His column runs every other Tuesday.
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