Hola VANILLI
Exciting news this week: I found religion! I've never been big into it (in fact I usually circle as far away as possible from those booths at the activities fair that have people smiling just a little too happily), but I met these guys on Wednesday who made me think twice. I had always thought Jesus stood for pussy things like "love" and "kindness" but it turns out that Christianity is actually more about holding angry signs and shouting at minorities, which is right up my alley. I made one that said "DIE, FETUS, DIE" and marched it back and forth in front of The Talk-On-Cell-Phones-To-Look-Like-We-Have-Real-Friends Club at the WCBS and felt totally spiritually uplifted.
Of course, I realized that I needed to maximize my options (I learned this in Econ 299B: "After You Take All The Crap Intro Courses Now You Get To Learn What Econ Is Really About-How To Make A Buttload Of Money Then Lord It Over Everyone at Your 10-Year Reunion"), so I went out to choose between all the religious offerings at Duke. I ruled out Islam right away due to the oppression of women-bitchez have the basic human right to bare as much flesh as scientifically possible. I moved on to Hinduism and realized that there's no Hindu temple here; it's okay, though, because they have a place of worship at that math building.
I was all set to be Christian (hey, the free wine on Sunday is better than the finest Franzia I can actually afford) until I went to the Freeman Center's free kosher dinner with a group of freshmen. Have you seen the Freeman Center, Vanill? Like WaDuke with yarmulkes. L'Chaim! To join I had to make a pretty hefty donation under the name "MILLI Samuel Goldbergsteinwitz," but I just put it on FLEX, so at least it's not real money. Better go explain the Bursar bill to my mom.
Shalom
MILLI
Dear MILLI
Well, I had a similar revelation, except it wasn't for religion, but my new future career: advertising. No one in Pratt ends up as an engineer anyway. I've been watching a lot of the TiVo I personally installed in several dorm rooms (somebody needed to break OIT's monopoly and THE CASH IS GREAT), except I haven't been watching the show part, just the ads. I've been watching billions of 'em, and I've decided in order to build my resume I'll start advertising for various groups around campus, because they sure as hell aren't doing a good job. Here are a few of my favorite brainchildren:
The Women's Center: letting men run campus except for one little poorly-lit corner since 1989.
Call home to your parents:
$0.29
Court-sentenced fine:
$125
Legal fees for a lawyer who sat there and did nothing:
$350
Fighting for your constitutional right to get wasted:
priceless
There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's the ACLU.
To save on paper, I went ahead and combined the "Know Your Status" and the "Check Your Box" campaigns. Couldn't tell the difference anyway. BTW: Greek Week simultaneous with Duke Allies Come-Out Week? I'm just glad that casualties were minimal.
Okay, I'm gonna go check out what's happening on the quad-apparently some protesters have finally discovered Weapons of Mass Destruction at the James B. Duke statue.
VANILLI
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