Note: Due to recent incidents, this column has been put on 7 word delay.
For those of you confused, I will be printed on Tuesdays from now on. Just remember, it's the same day as American Idol and Real World. Stay Tuned.
Like, so, apparently, last week we were graced with a well thought out letter from a former Chronicle sports/editorial columnist for three years, Nick Christie. You all remember that one, right? Feb. 3. Where of all things, he calls me out on adding to this editorial page fad of replacing columns with blatant attempts at attention and booty calls. A member of the class of 2003, he is so affected by The Chronicle that he is "fatigued at flipping through to find yet another columnist obsessed with his or her, or his fellow students' sex lives." Furthermore, he made us know that he is personally "ashamed at what The Chronicle editorial pages have become." Folks, let me tell you, I agree. I hate what we have to read. Much of it is not even funny in an "I cannot believe she thinks no one knows about the lax player she is describing" type of way. Call it the Anti-enjoyable.
But Nick Christie, you yourself are part of the problem. First off, anyone with a sense of humor got the sarcasm in my last column, as well as in the editorial that wasn't printed. (I'mma try to get that into print sometime in the future for those of you who still haven't gotten it through e-mail.) Secondly, the Tal-Jezeera Network has received a copy of a Chronicle from almost exactly a year ago. Apparently, Christie wrote an article that proves not only is he guilty of producing the same sex-life literature he is so offended by, but also that he should have stuck to covering Duke athletics. ThaePeople would like to enter Feb. 3, 2003 into evidence. The title to this one was "So Long As Men Can Breathe..." I won't ruin it for you, but I can promise you he wasn't referring to Medicare. And it's not just one specific time. Listen, I may write about "24", but at least people enjoyed it.
Check both of our columns out at www.chronicle.duke.edu. Nick, just because you write nice things about women in columns doesn't mean that they will sleep with you. You have to buy them nice things.
And so the smooth transition to some of the more interesting issues of the past few weeks. And funny, a bunch has to do with college basketball. And they say Duke is a football school. Wait, no they don't. Who are people kidding by criticizing Maryland fans for their methods of cheering? The t-shirts that say "FK Duke" on the front and "And Bin Laden" on the back? What, you like Bin Laden? Traitors. And "FK J.J." as an inappropriate cheer? If my team was getting lit up like Maryland was, I'd agree that the first thing that comes to mind is "F**K J.J." Quitchyabitchin.
With the history behind the Cameron Crazies, Duke criticizing anyone for chants and gestures is simply laughable. Okay, I know, Boozer's mom got hit in the head. That's not cool. But he's a pro Blue Devil actually doing well, and I'm sure all has been forgotten.
Duke fans of the late 80s early 90s flat out embarrassed players. Most of us are here because we know of Duke as the Duke when the legend of Kville and the Cameron Crazy were being made. In fact, it's a legacy that the fans of today are undeservedly getting credit for.
Personally, I don't think Duke fans now are classier, I believe they are simply boring. I would not describe turning J.J. Redick into a 4 syllable phrase followed by a simple clapping scheme as crazy. So crazy to be willing to sleep in snow to watch 40 minutes of basketball, yet after 3 years of nastiness y'all can't come up with a good chant for Daniel Ewing. I don't know, maybe "Ewing, you win!" That took me 5 minutes. You guys have 2 months in that tent.
Du-Du--Do you guys have anything original? More than half the cheers done are done at other schools. You want some suggestions? How bout this: before the next game against Maryland, you tenter people with cell phones split up. Half will be the "caller", and half will be the "receiver." When a Maryland player is at the foul line, get everyone real quiet. Now this has to be timed perfectly, but as the opposing player is about to shoot, you hear cell phones go off everywhere. I mean like 100 different phones all ringing loudly. At least it's a new idea. As I always say, if you are going to have the rep of being obnoxious, be obnoxious. Don't fight it.
Segway to the next issue. Those Bush supporters at a men's game. I am a Bush supporter by no means, but I have no problem with the T-shirts. It's actually inspiring. Someone else other than me has an opinion about something. It's at least a step in getting this campus a bit more politically active. In fact, I may vote for Bush myself. I believe that Bush deserves 4 years in office to explain why none of the reasons he gave for the War in Iraq were true, while the Republicans have to stand by and defend the dumbass. Then we will see how big a deal a blowjob truly is. And then let Hillary get the hell out of New York to become the first female President in 2008. (A real opinion in The Chronicle? Psyche).
Almost finished. A few random thoughts:
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If I see one editorial about the Sex and the City series finale, I will hunt you down.
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Over/Under on the Siren's Lounge has been set at 73 days.
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How is "Happy Valentine's Day" by Andre 3000 not the most played song this week?
See you at Moe. Tonight.
Tal Hirshberg is a Trinity senior. His column appears every other Tuesday.
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