After a harrowing week of partying off East Campus and cleaning urine off of the side of their house with a firehose, the Grid Pickers decided to take a well-earned hiatus.
Piling themselves and their gametime snacks into the Grid Picks Cruiser (recently stolen from a sausage-addled John Madden), the intrepid Pickers followed the paraphrased advice of "Top Gun" troubadour and American treasure Kenny Loggins: They. Went. To. The. Blue. Zone.
The Grid Pick squad was set to engage in the most important pre-kickoff ritual (with the exception of Brent Garber's obsessive gargling): they were set to tailgate.
Before the grill got going, warm Pabst and pork rinds were the only food available, which was none too pleasing to the Kosher-keeping "Are you going to Scarborough" Kare -n Hauptman. Her Grid Picks life-partner, "No Pain, No" Jane Hetherington, sat on a folding Dallas Cowboys chair autographed by Leon Lett while playing Game Boy.
Mike Corey "Spelling" was unable to make the get-together, as he was in his room, yelling "You're my boy, Blue!" to his framed picture of Maurice Clarett. Pre-eminent Grid Picker Mala- vik "s VapoRub" -a Prabhu was at the game, having a discussion of the merits of the Strong I formation with fellow football gurus Woody Hayes, Bear Bryant, and Tony Dungy.
"All elementary school gym classes' games end in a" Ty -ler Rosen, somehow sharing first place with the puddle of football genius that is Malavika Prabhu, wanted to know when tip-off was. Explaining the football nuances to Rosen was Alex Ga- "Dead" Ringer "For Willy Wonka," who is currently reading the Half Moon Bay, Ca. phonebook. He says it is twice as well-written, and three times as funny--yet equally original--as this semester's "Monday, Monday."
Paula "Everybody Loves" Lehman was in charge of cooking up the burgers and the dogs, which were overcooked and underappreciated. Dousing his in ketchup was "I'm not" Matt "I'm big-boned" Sullivan, whose love for condiments is outdone only by his love for Paula's culinary artistry. Sitting off in the corner writing a screenplay about the whole drama was Anthony Cross "titute."
Draped in seersucker pants and a condescending attitude was Andrew "Ladies, give me a" Coll "at 613 2376" -ins, who went to boarding school. Robbie the Tank "eray and Chronic are all that get me by" Samuel was sitting on a makeshift love seat with several scantily clad young women.
Ted "Why can't I find a nice" Mann and team partner "Three Men and a" Gabe "y" Githens are both huuuge Tom Selleck fans, and spent all the tailgating time quoting lines from "Mr. Baseball."
One other notable couldn't make the tailgate: "Splish splash I was taking a" Cath -erine Sullivan was hoping to repeat as Grid Picks champion, but decided to apply to be the backup "Monday, Monday" writer to step up once those knuckleheads fail out of school. At the game but unable to do any math was Paul "ynomial equations are difficult when you've been drinking heavily" Crowley, who is more of a verbal type of guy anyway.
Ass "In" aad "We Trust" Nasr was the only one responsible enough to clean up after the Grid Pickers when they left, and got a nice note from Durham Police Capt. Ed Sarvis
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