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Commentary: RAMONA gets inspired

(04/12/04 4:00am)

When RAMONA QUIMBY, AGE 38 walks around campus, she is frequently asked where she gets ideas for her very popular and insightful column (RAMONA's anonymity has not been compromised; she simply looks a lot like Bridget Newman). This is a growing trend: the desire to know about influences. In the old days, it was perfectly fine to go out and buy the Boxcar Children #31: The Missing Triplets and not have to think about exactly how it exists as an amalgamation of Kurosawa's "Rashomon" and Boxcar Children #30: The Missing Twins. Nowadays, your influences matter. Hillary Duff is a combination of LeAnn Rimes and Lisa Loeb; "Troy" is a mix of "Lord of the Rings" and "Gladiator"; Ja Rule is a cross between DMX and a giant pile of crap. Johnny Cash's estate recently released a record wherein the Man in Black's influences are chronicled. They are pretty much predictable: gospel, blues, country and Sapphic Russian supergroup TaTu.

https://www.dukechronicle.com/article/2004/04/commentary-ramona-gets-inspired

Commentary: RAMONA contemplates the Monday after

(04/05/04 4:00am)

The Monday after. A month-long basketball frenzy screeches to an agonizing, one-point halt, and a valiant but dejected student body puts on a brave face. Yes, just like any other day, we all put on our Panama Jack T-shirts and our tri-color-laced L.A. Gears and grab our trusty Jansport book bags with our favorite Milli Vanilli lyrics etched in them with pen ink, and carry on (interesting side note: RAMONA QUIMBY, AGE 38 has no idea what the kids are wearing these days). Yes, life goes on.

https://www.dukechronicle.com/article/2004/04/commentary-ramona-contemplates-monday-after

Commentary: RAMONA QUIMBY takes on the NCAAs

(03/22/04 5:00am)

It's that time again. The NCAA basketball tournament is in full-force, and RAMONA QUIMBY, AGE 38, like many others, has been struck with a serious case of March Madness. The symptoms of such a disorder are not easily identified. RAMONA spent the better part of an hour scouring the pages of a DSM-IV and found nothing published on the subject, although she is now fairly certain her "lutraphobia," or irrational fear of otters, while treatable, does not qualify her for priority parking in most supermarket parking lots. Luckily, her "amaxophobia," or fear of riding in automobiles, usually prevents her from needing to park anyway and her chronic "lachanophobia," or fear of vegetables, makes trips to the supermarket infrequent in the first place. So, it's funny how things work out.

https://www.dukechronicle.com/article/2004/03/commentary-ramona-quimby-takes-ncaas