Recess remembers the days gone by
(04/15/04 4:00am)
The films you can't forget
Use the fields below to perform an advanced search of The Chronicle's archives. This will return articles, images, and multimedia relevant to your query. You can also try a Basic search
9 items found for your search. If no results were found please broaden your search.
The films you can't forget
The cheap plastic hotel window shade is pulled all the way to the right, blocking the dank and smoky room from the sun's piercing rays. But just at the end, the very last inch of sticky window pane, there's a crack. And that crack is just wide enough to allow a slicing blade of sunlight to penetrate the center of the room and come to rest across your ears, nose and swollen, irritated eyes. Of course you would have been safe from this UV attack had you actually slept on a bed with covers, rather than selecting a small parcel of stained shag carpeting and a pillow constructed from used paper towels and cardboard toilet paper rolls. You don't know if the dribble on your chin is drool or carpet puddle, and your hair is stuck to the pube-laden pink bubble gum in the carpet that looks so old it could have originally been packaged with a Robin Yount Topps baseball card. But, eh, who cares, it's Myrtle.
8. Annoying native emcee: You know, the guy who shouts in his microphone looking for volunteers for yet another wet T-shirt contest. By day four of the trip he becomes more tiresome and obnoxious than Carrot Top in those AT&T ads.
The stigma that has been cruelly attached to the art of masturbation is both unwarranted and, more importantly, detrimental to the health and welfare of our great nation. Whereas you might associate masturbation with the filthy man who exposes himself to joggers in the Duke Forest, I instead cherish all the good that it has done for these United States of America. Masturbation keeps kids off the street, protecting them from drugs and gang violence while at the same time teaching them important professional skills such as computer science and internet technology. Masturbation stiffens the family unit, increasing levels of fidelity and reducing marital tension. Masturbation has fueled the thriving pornography industry, which has helped jerk the national economy out of its flaccid recession.
6 p. m. Thursday evening. You just finished a horrendous week of class, and you're looking to have some fun. But what about that paper you have to write? The diligent student that you are, you go to Perkins and start researching your final history paper on Cleopatra and the Egyptian government. Alone in the stacks you stumble across a golden nugget of information: Being intoxicated had desirable spiritual significance to the ancient Egyptians, and you think, "Who am I to argue with one of the earliest and most intellectually advanced societies in history?" You close the book and head to the bar with a fierce case of Thursday dipsomania: an abnormal or insatiable craving for alcohol. But with so many tasty ways to dull the senses and lower the standards how is one to choose? To answer this, I present a few fact-filled analyses of your alcoholic options--and some hangover advice useful the world over.
An ominous feeling descends upon the Duke campus like a sharp-taloned owl upon an unsuspecting field mouse. Administrators tighten ties and students throw out cigarette cartons and grain alcohol bottles. We all scramble to hide our many faults and indiscretions from the people who are the most adept at picking them out. They're coming. They're coming and they're bringing the hugs, the kisses, the Lysol, the toilet paper and about 300 suggestions/demands on how you should be living. It's parents' weekend, for better or worse, and one must be prepared.
Today, we live in a world very much against the stereotype. It has become politically incorrect to assume anything about any group of people without incurring the wrath of the far left, the far right, Hollywood and Jesse Jackson. There is one group, however, that remains a viable target for any and all name-calling. This group has had its image dragged through the mud, been blamed for destruction of property and suffered the indignation of slanderous comments regarding its general lack of intellect, manners and sobriety. Yes, the frat boy has been battered around by public opinion and has few who are willing to stand in his corner and fight these appalling accusations... with a straight face at least.
Some people think that parties are all about getting drunk. But they are so wrong. Parties are about more than that. They are about dressing up... and then getting drunk. We're not talking about Chanel and Estée Lauder make-up (as patriotic Americans, we have boycotted all French products). We're talking about something bigger. Lipstick and eye shadow don't define a person. Dianne Vreeland of Vogue fame once said, "It's not the clothes we wear that our important, but rather the lives we live wearing them." Or something like that. We figure she was talking about theme parties.
Heart pounding. Sweat streaming. The exhilaration of the moment is tempered only by the fear of failure. Fourth quarter. Can't give up. Fourth quarter. When the whistle blows the body is thrust into action, no time to think, and unadulterated athletic ability takes control.