The man who sued the Baldwin Scholars program over alleged “gender discrimination” has now sued the C-1 van whose driver only lets on the “girls, gays and theys” during the busiest transportation hours.
“I’m just so hurt,” he said. “As a straight, white, grown-ass man who doesn’t even attend Duke University, this hurts me in unimaginable ways. This is genuinely the epitome of discrimination.”
During busy weekdays, the small Duke van that operates on the C-1 route is frequently driven by a female driver who lets the girls, gays and theys board first before allowing straight men if there is any room left.
This small act of solidarity is meant to atone for Duke’s hundred-plus year tradition of sexism and homophobia, and it does a really good job at doing so.
However, the professor emeritus and self proclaimed activist thinks this practice is contributing to the systemic oppression of straight men on campus.
“First Baldwin Scholars, now this?” he asked. “What’s next? Lesbian world domination?”
Straight men who often feel marginalized on campus mobilized on Sidechat to express their support for the professor who is suing.
“One time, I left East Campus at 11:35 a.m. for my 11:40 a.m. Pepperonian Society meeting,” one student wrote. “The girls-and-gays-only van was the closest C-1, and obviously I couldn’t get on. The reverse-sexist bus driver definitely made me late for my meeting, not my own terrible planning. I’m glad someone is brave enough to stand up against Duke’s long history of supporting women.”
Another student agreed, calling the UMF professor a “modern-day civil rights activist,” inspiring concerns about the student’s understanding of what the Civil Rights Movement was actually about.
“I cannot overstate enough how little I care about this entire issue,” a Duke University correspondent wrote in a statement about the situation. “For the love of God, go whine about it on the Freedom of Expression bridge or something. That way we can always just paint over that sh*t.”
Editor's Note: Happy April Fools' Day! In case you couldn't tell, this was a story for our satirical edition, The Chomicle. Check out more Chomicle stories here, guaranteed to make you laugh, or at least cry.
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