Dear Larry Moneta,
When I arrived on this campus, I learned very quickly who my allies were. I was looking for someone who, like me, represented a force for good, and who would fight against all the things I, too, was fighting—entitlement, materialism, inequality and their ultimate incarnation: the greek system.
From the moment I read your first letter to me—well, to the whole student body, but I felt that you were speaking directly to me—I knew that you were special. The way you warned me of a robbery on Central without mentioning the race of the criminal really warmed my heart. I even looked you up online. You’re a very handsome man, Larry Moneta. I bet you might even be a vegetarian.
So when I read your email to me last November, my heart thrilled at the subject line. “Cancellation of Saturday’s Tailgate,” it read. My pulse quickened pleasurably. You see, since arriving at this school as a young, but wise and unimpressionable first-year, I saw my fellow first-years, who were unwise and highly impressionable, stream to this orgy of first-world decadence, wearing sweatshop-stitched tutus and culturally insensitive costumes. (Can you believe someone wore a cow costume? I know enough about the Hindu culture to be offended on their behalf.) They even served flesh, like burgers and Chick-fil-A. We all know how much those chickens suffered to become sandwiches. Remember, they’re alive when you kill them.
Tailgate disgusted me. The way guys would fling beer around was so typical of their wasteful, entitled attitudes. A light beer is, like, a full meal for someone in Africa! But it all made sense once I found out it was run by fraternities. People in third-world countries can’t afford to pay for their friends, so they don’t have fraternities. That means we shouldn’t, either. I went to Tailgate once, to take notes and gather evidence, and left covered in beer and feeling violated because no one had even tried to touch me inappropriately the way they were supposed to. I guess maybe they knew I was untouchably above them.
I could tell that you, Larry (is it OK if I call you Larry? When I imagine meeting you face-to-face, we’re always on a first-name basis), felt the same way I did about Tailgate. Those slightly queasy emails you sent out, telling students to “celebrate safely,” and mind the alcohol policy, well.... I knew you were just biding your time. And then on Nov. 8, 2010, you made my dreams a reality. This was one more strike against the greek system. I printed out your letter and hung it on the ceiling next to the picture of you I printed off the Duke website. It really helped me rest easy, if you know what I mean.
Oh, Larry, I had such high hopes. I had hopes all the way until the first “Gameday” (your censorship was inspiring; some might say we should never try to control a culture’s language, but you and I both know it’s OK as long as it’s for their own good). And then I read a little deeper. And I realized. Oh, Larry.
You’re still supporting the patriarchal hegemony. Before, it was groups of frat guys in the backs of trucks, handing out beer like horny Santa Clauses (also a symbol of American excesses, but we’ll come back to that later), blasting the “pop” music of the oppressive heteronormative music industry.
Now it’s groups of frat guys under tents, with a little less beer and a little smaller speakers. It may not smell like malt liquor anymore, but it still reeks of oppression. Where are the womyn’s groups? Where were the groups for the disabled? Why were most of the revelers white and upper class? Why were rainbow flags not mandatory on every tent? Why did you allow the purchase of barbecued flesh?
It’s not good enough, Larry. If anything, you’ve made “Tailgate” even more offensive than it already was. At least in the Blue Zone, minority people could show up and people would just think they were in costume or something. You’ve segregated the student body, Larry. You should be ashamed of yourself.
I know the frats are mad at you, and that means you’ve made a start. Of course, the only reason they’re angry is because it’s harder for them to pump first-year womyn full of liquor and molest them (I mean, I’m all for female sexual liberation, obviously, but only if it means you’re not acting like a slut). The truth is, you’ve still given them power. They’re still running the scene.
This got me thinking. Maybe pre-football celebrations should be banned altogether. After all, there aren’t any such celebrations before womyn’s events. I think that until womyn’s football games are toasted equally, we should ban all organized expressions of support for this barbaric male-dominated activity.
Larry, I was so disappointed after these two successive “Gamedays” that I took your picture down from my ceiling. But I still believe in you. I believe that you’ll kill these so-called “celebrations” forever, and the greek system will finally suffer like it deserves to.
I have a lot of good ideas about this, if you want to, you know, discuss them over wine and tempeh sometime... maybe get to know the “student body” a little better. Just saying.
Concerned Global Citizen wore an Elmo costume to Tailgate last year in homage.
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