Minutes after the turkey is polished off and the Black Friday tags are removed, it begins. I’m not talking about putting up dorm room lights, sitting on an AEPi Santa’s lap or drunkenly lighting the Menorah with your Hebrew classmates. I’m talking about internship applications.
It’s that time of year!
There are different perspectives on what the purpose of an internship should be. Some say they’re to check out professions to confirm an interest in the area: I liked helping out at a law firm that sued the Canadian government last summer, ergo I like law (right?). Others say we should pursue them to “network” (yay older men).
With that said, I want something bona fide next summer. No D.C. train commute, no two months in a far off country, no data entry or angry constituent calls or exploring something I’m not that into. (This is going off the assumption I get accepted to aforementioned programs, and we’re zero for one so far.)
So let me take this very public opportunity to work on a cover letter for my ideal position:
“Dear Jon Stewart,
First off, you might be confused by this application and ask: ‘Who is this other Samantha from Canada? Is my correspondent, Samantha Bee, applying to be an unpaid intern?’ Well you are probably not asking that, but just so you know, she’s from Toronto. That’s all I had for -that one, we’re bad at being competitive (see: leaked cable ‘US Diplomats Noted Canadian Mistrust’).
Anyway, I really, really (no, really) want to intern for The Daily Show next summer. I’ll submit myself to any pledge task to ingratiate myself with the group, and that includes coffee runs, taking notes on the latest Bush/Palin memoir, importing British Columbia’s finest and watching Fox News all day. As few people as possible should have to be exposed to Fox for more than a 10 second clip… I would do that for you.
We actually have a lot in common. I imagine that after you decimate the entire being of people, there are awkward moments post-annihilation (Jim Cramer? Olbermann? Miley?). I am quite certain Melinda Gates and I will NEVER speak again after the program that was funded with $15 million from her foundation denied me a flight to and from Cape Town with a stay at a B&B in the interim. (I wouldn’t describe myself as bitter.)
A lot of the same bloggers have vendettas against you and me. Duke students can sympathize with negative portrayals on Jezebel: their article about your office’s hostile work environment for women had nothing on their role in conflagrating our PowerPoint-gate.
And we don’t just share common enemies, but common ideals. I mean, besides the fact that I kind of appreciate you and your correspondents’ airing of the only valuable, incisive, contradiction-revealing interviews on television… and it’s sort of cool that you like Sanity… and I’ve watched you take down Crossfire a dozen times… I also just enjoy watching your show. Networks are so obsessed with balancing the spectrum (Spitzer/Parker), those still on the bottle (Beck), blowhards (Lou Dobbs), play-dates (Fox and Friends), fancy technology (CNN) and LTLTF (liberals too liberal to function), that any good commentary, jokes and/or meaningful insights are lost in the lobotomizing dissonance. It’s great to be able to procrastinate from less-educational (graded) material by unwinding with a few episodes.
Moreover, I like that you recognize that everything’s and everyone’s messed up. You don’t have a mandate to pant over a political party or a priori (wow, she’s pulling out the Latin) condemn a side. You’re respectful in your disapproval and light-hearted with your WTFs. Your stances on issues are based on (incriminating) clips rather than an anonymously funded (those Kochs brothers are dicks) political action committee’s self-interested and blatantly false accusation that becomes (is bought as) reality for other shows’ hosts and is broadcast to millions of Americans who’ll believe anything they hear if it helps justify their fears.
I totally understand if this compels you to make me persona non grata at Studio 52 on 11th between 51st and 52nd and issue a restraining order. Honestly, I hate (love) politics, am a hard worker (player), and would do anything for the opportunity. Then, the obligatory: ‘I appreciate your consideration of my internship application.’
Sincerely,
Sam(antha) Lachman.”
P.S. To be preachy, life is too short not to do what you love. Instead of being pressured to do something with our summers, we should fulfill an obligation to ourselves… and try to have fun in the process.
Samantha Lachman is a Trinity sophomore. This is her final column of the semester.
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