Last week, Duke was hit by a troll. Not the kind of troll that waits under bridges for unsuspecting billy goats, but the kind that has become so plentiful on the untamed Internet. In Internet lingo, a troll is someone who specializes in doing or saying whatever it takes to get you steamed up. That band you like? Trolls hate 'em. Movie you enjoyed? Worst trash a troll's ever seen. And your political opinions? Don't get them started.
Duke's troll attack was of the hit-and-run variety. Tuesday night, an aspiring artist-cum-humorist had the sort of comic epiphany usually reserved for such luminaries as Rob Schneider or Pauly Shore, and added the letters 'F' and 'A' to the already mature "G-Spot" inscription on the bench outside Giles dorm on East Campus. And by trolling standards, this amendment was an unparalleled success.
With just those two letters, at the cost of two minutes' work and a can of spray paint, our mystery marauder roused Duke from it's ever-light slumber and got leaders of student opinion and even administrators harrumphing over themselves and each other to say how very-awful-very-awful-indeed this despicable act was and how important they feel tolerance and acceptance is, don't you know?
Color me unimpressed.
Now, before you fetch the tar and feathers, allow me to make a critical distinction. There's no reason to believe this was a targeted attack; Giles is not noted for anything in particular to do with LGBT students. Were it painted across the door of the Center for LGBT Life, this would be a different story. As things actually stand, it's hard to take this event as anything more than somebody spewing nonsense into the night.
And yet we, as a university, have responded with unbridled fury. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask why. When we bring out our artillery of admonition, with no clear indication of who we're even shooting at, I wonder what it is we're trying to accomplish.
What would have happened, for example, if nobody had reported on the offending redecoration, and if all the strong declarations of community and tolerance had not been given? What if somebody just repainted the bench? Would anyone have been materially worse off than they are today? It's hard to think who. On the other hand, the miscreant would not have been treated to several days of campus conversation which he or she might very well have found highly amusing, and a middle school epithet would not have suddenly become the fastest way to get Duke's attention.
It would have been nothing but a fool whistling in the dark, had we not chosen to make it otherwise.
Now, there is a great urge in these situations to not let whoever is responsible "get away." Get away with what, I wonder? Not for vandalizing the bench, a time-honored if frowned upon tradition, certainly.
With bigotry? Now that's more sensible. But the truth is, whoever changed the bench is getting away with that anyway. Do you think the ensuing condemnation has changed their minds? I doubt it.
You cannot climb inside someone else's mind and alter it, no matter how much you want to. It cannot be done by a letter or column, as much as it pains me to say so. It cannot be done by a Duke Student Government resolution, University rule or state or federal law. Even if His Royal Holiness, President Barack Obama, rode his golden chariot down from Washington and sternly gripped a podium, it would not make a difference.
But here's the real kicker: the guy conceivably isn't a bigot at all. He might have just noticed the letter 'G', thought of the most offensive word he knew that ended with it and decided to see if he could kick up a storm. Boy, did he.
In the end, it's just like your mom used to say: sometimes it's better to walk away. Do you really have enough time in the day to worry about the opinions of people who express them on dorm benches? Are we really so insecure that we feel the need to drop what we're doing and fight back against a weak and unimaginative insult offered to nobody in particular?
I hope not. Because when we rail against those who obviously didn't care what we thought to begin with, we're only feeding the trolls.
Oliver Sherouse is a Trinity senior. His column runs on Wednesdays.
Get The Chronicle straight to your inbox
Signup for our weekly newsletter. Cancel at any time.