First Cut: The Curse Of Wally Wade's Urinal Troughs

OK, so I can't believe I'm writing this 1) because it's ridiculous and 2) because it's further proof that I don't know everything (or anything, for that matter)—which is something I'm always ashamed to admit. But I brought this up in the office the other night, and the idea was pitched that I throw this up on our humble blog. I need outside input (yours!) because I have a handicap inhibiting me from making a fully accurate assertion on the following topic. This handicap, as you  soon will  learn, is that I am, in fact, female (insert joke here).

So, here goes:

I have this rather bizarre theory. I thought of it the other night when I was walking from the boons of the Blue Zone to main West and passing by the newly begun construction at Wallace Wade. Looking at the lovely Caterpillar machinery, I smiled and fondly recalled a conversation I had two summers ago with then-Director of Athletics Joe Alleva. I asked him how he planned to go about fixing Duke's little football problem, and one of his favorite starting points in answering this question was by citing the bathroom situation at Wally Wade. He firmly believed in the "If you build it, they will come" approach to fixing the program, with "it" being new bathrooms and "they" being top-notch football recruits.

At the time, I remember thinking how this was so ridiculous: Of all the things wrong with Duke Football, urinal troughs are at the top of the list? Really? But the other night in the Blue Zone, I had a revelation. What if urinal troughs are cursed? Being a nice Chicago girl—a White Sox fan with a Cubs-fan father—it suddenly popped in my head that the only other place I know that has troughs is Wrigley Field. I mean, I don't have to tell you how absurdly obsessed those crazy Cubs fans are with curses. They've tried to sacrifice everything, from a freaking goat to a poor, poor nerdy kid in a hat and headphones who  took the fall for Alex Gonzalez. But they've never looked to their baseball mecca as the source of their 100-year "curse."

Not like the misery of Duke Football fans could possibly match that of those who bleed Cubby Blue, but I can't help but think that maybe getting rid of those old bathrooms might inadvertently turn this program around. That, and you know, David Cutcliffe.

So, here's the question, for all you boys out there... do you have any evidence that counters this pathetic postulation? Help a girl out (in a G-rated, non-TMI manner, s'il vous plaît).


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