Some ham before your turkey

As I was hurrying along West last week, freezing my tail off, I thought to myself, It's cold, but thankfully it's not raining. And then it started pouring. As soon as I arrived at my destination, freezing and wet, I naturally began complaining of my woes to no one in particular and was answered by a rather quiet looking freshman in a corner.

"Well," she said, "at least it's not so cold that we have to have use tunnels from building to building. I almost went to Michigan, where there's so much snow and it's so cold that people walk to class underground."

What an idea! I said to myself. Tunnels!? We don't have any here. Oh. Wait. I may have heard something about them maybe once... twice... Nearly every week freshman year?

Ahh yes. The joy of tunneling. A little-known fact, however, is that we actually have tunnels under both East and West campuses. What?! Tunnels under West?! You must be lying! Yes, my friends, tunnels under West Campus exist. But they are unfortunately sealed off or locked away from our curious eyes.

I asked Pelham Wilder--a former University professor and administrator and the source for many interesting and rich historical tidbits about Duke-about these West Campus tunnels. He told me that they were originally (like most tunnels) built for mechanical purposes-to run steam pipes from a plant that generated steam heat for both East and West campuses. Because all the buildings needed heat, they apparently run under all the old buildings on West to the hospital building. To clarify, this does not include any of the new dormitories or the Bryan Center.

As time has gone on, the tunnels have had new and more exciting uses. For example, during the Cold War era, they were a part of the evacuation plan in the event of an emergency. People were supposed to be able to use them as a means to get to the hospital, but they aren't actually very large at all-only about 6 feet high by a few feet wide.

Still, wouldn't it be nice if we could open the West Campus tunnels so that they can take on a new role? That is, so we can banish the complainers of the wet and cold (like myself) to the world below the walkways of West. They can stay toasty and dry, and, outside, no one will have any reason to complain about the weather. If they do, you can just point to the ground and say, "Why aren't you down there?" How glorious.

But I do see several potential downsides to this plan. In addition to the costs associated with needing to keep the tunnels clean, the laundry-machine company might complain. With students not having to wear as many clothes between buildings, fewer clothes will need to be washed. This could lead to a real economic crisis in the laundry machine industry in Durham. And we wouldn't want that.

Additionally, our beloved social culture might suffer. If the tunnels became the "cool" place to be, how would our more promiscuous students avoid each other in the narrow corridors after their awkward weekend hookups? The horror.

I'm sure the administration has thought of these two large potential downsides and is currently holding out because of them. Still, perhaps we should run a trial period... If the laundry crisis gets too bad, we can always close them back up.

Megan Neureither is a Trinity senior. Her column runs every other Monday.

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