Don't wear face paint

Ladies and gentlemen of the Class of 2012: Don't wear blue face paint.

If I could offer you only one piece of advice as you embark upon The Greatest Four Years of Your Life, not wearing blue face paint would have to be it. The fact that wearing blue face paint to any Duke sporting event just makes you look like a tool has been proven by scientists (trust me, I'll be a doctor in three years), whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

Go to basketball games. Oh, never mind, you'll just say you're busy-tests and girlfriends and whatnot. You won't understand what four free years in Cameron Indoor Stadium means until you've graduated. When you're watching games on TV the first year after you've graduated, you'll realize how many insignificant things you used to do when you were in college. You'll never be as busy as you imagine.

But learn something about Duke Basketball before you go to your first game. If you're standing in the front row but you don't know Nate James from Nate Dogg, you're not really a Cameron Crazie no matter how many coats of paint you put on your chest or how big your wig is.

Just one time, stay until the end of a football game, preferably one in which Duke is losing by 35 at halftime. It builds character. Plus, there's really nothing like spreading out in an empty student section and working on your tan.

Two words: Fried Snickers.

Two more: Frozen lemonade.

Set your DVR to record any Duke game on ESPN Classic. If you're flipping through channels and the 1992 NCAA regional final comes on, stop whatever you're doing and watch to the end.

Don't do it otherwise.

Scream "You live in a houseboat," before an opposing player shoots a free throw. You're damned right it doesn't make any sense. That's the point.

Maybe you'll go to Tailgate, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll wear a stupid costume, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll make it to the game, maybe you'll get hammered and head out to the Belmont pool where you and some Durham cops will re-enact one of the fight scenes from "West Side Story." Whatever you do, don't get in a drunken fight or do coke off the hood of a car. The cops are also at Tailgate. And they'll arrest you if you're an idiot.

Make it to as many non-revenue sporting events as you can. It doesn't cost anything other than your time, and some of the teams are pretty good. And if you don't know the rules, they're usually pretty easy to figure out.

Don't try to figure out the rules of field hockey. It will only frustrate you.

Yell until you're hoarse.

Buy a warm sleeping bag.

If you're actually an athlete, avoid doing the following things: hiring strippers, driving drunk, drinking underage in Chapel Hill, passing out at a UNC frat party with your mouth open.

Try to cross swords with a Durhamite at one of the Wally Wade pee troughs while the 1929 restrooms are still around. You just might make a new friend.

Go to a Duke-Carolina game, even if you have to camp out. While you're camping out, don't study econometrics. Study basketball. Learn something about the team and think of some damaging insults to yell at Tyler Hansbrough.

Become familiar with the careers of the following Duke Basketball players: J.J. Redick, Dick Groat, Bobby Hurley, Jason Williams, Shelden Williams, Johnny Dawkins, Art Heyman, Shane Battier, Christian Laettner, Grant Hill, Danny Ferry, Mike Gminski, Jeff Mullins.

When a TV cameraman points at you at a basketball game, it's not a Get Out Of Acting Civilized Free card. It's great that your mom can see you on ESPN, but the rest of us are just embarrassed for you.

Remember: All of this is nothing but the ravings of someone who was you five years ago and dearly wishes he could do it all over again.

But trust me on the blue face paint. Seriously.

Alex Fanaroff, Trinity '07, is a second-year medical student, former sports managing editor and conductor of The Train. He will have a biweekly editorial column this Fall.