Some students came to Duke with years of experience. Others arrived bright-eyed and eager. It's a rite of passage that some deem sacred, while others consider a hassle. It's the act of losing your flower. Or swiping your v-card. Call it what you will-it's still a pre-requisite for two of the five unofficial graduation requirements. With Duke's diverse student body, it's no surprise that stories of our first times ranged from romantic rendezvous to drunken debauchery. Regardless of circumstance, it only happens once. And thus, it makes for a story worth telling.
Whether it resulted from the boredom of high school or in anticipation of sexual freedom in college, many students opted to bite the bullet in the sheets before moving into the co-ed dorms of East Campus.
Teenagers seem to be doing the deed across the country and on just about every cable television channel. Reinforcement among peers made it that much easier for one Trinity junior to convince his girlfriend of four months to go all the way. He also insists that when they lost their virginity to each other, it was neither awkward nor embarrassing. "I left from a ski trip early on a Saturday night," he recalls matter-of-factly. "We got together and talked about it, had sex and then had a cigarette outside. It was her first cigarette, too."
A Trinity senior remembers his first time as a pretty generic first time experience-it was high school and they were hanging out at his house. "She was really nervous about wanting to do it," he says. "But afterwards, she was really excited even though we had to leave right away because she had to be home for something really important. On the way there, she insisted that we pull over and do it twice more in the car. Apparently, she was an instant fan."
One Trinity sophomore claims her first time was quite boring-with her boyfriend, in his bed. But her bourgeoning early sexcapades beg to differ. "The first three people I had sex with were in three different countries-the U.S., England, and France," she boasts. "And then it was going to be Antigua, but he didn't want to have sex with me."
Perhaps the thrill of foreign lands offers an appropriate match for the imminently foreign experience with one's first lover. For another Trinity sophomore, a summer of independence in Rome led her to her first love in the middle of a piazza. She didn't know any Italian, but his glance was too magnetic for her to keep her distance. Flirtation ensued and before the end of the night, she was strolling through the streets of Rome with Ludovico, a man 13 years her senior who spoke broken English. Age is just a number, but they both lied about it just in case.
"We ended up dating hardcore for two or three weeks, touring the city for hours and hours on end," she recalls. "We basically fell for each other fairly quickly."
Two weeks of saying "I love you" later, when her host family was conveniently away for a weekend, she decided to complete her Hollywood-esque love story. "The whole thing was romantic," she says. "But the act of losing it was anticlimactic."
Nevertheless, she cried hysterically when she had to leave Rome and her Italian lover. She also racked up $4000 in phone bills in the months that followed, as a freshman at Duke. The two attempted to hold on to a relationship that was doomed from the start. "I never talked about it much because it didn't exactly relate to anything I had going here," she says. "In the end, it got kind of creepy and he wanted to see me again, but I was kind of over it."
He was one of those kids who showed up at Duke holding his V-Card," his friend and fraternity brother, another Trinity senior, says. "So he made it his goal all of freshman year to have sex with a girl." The plan didn't work out, but he managed to get lucky that summer while working at a restaurant in downtown Seattle. The way his friends tell the story, he got "wasted with his co-workers and ends up banging a 25-year-old waitress with no protection," and called his friend at 1:30a.m. to boast "I did it! I did it! I had sex!" "He claims he has never gotten any STDs from her, but who knows," a friend says. "Apparently the same girl banged his best friend not long after."
He tells a toned-down version of the story, but the facts remain the same. "She knew I was 19, but she didn't know I was a virgin," he says. "She and I still talk, and we're very close."
Still, more unfortunate situations have occurred. One Trinity junior had his first experience hitting a home run on a Sunday during his first year at Duke. Ironically, he felt he was taken advantage of and managed to lose his virginity, while he was sober, and had to tell the girl about it the next day via instant messaging. This story was relayed to me by his friends, with his permission. "This is one of those stories that he doesn't tell himself," his friend and fraternity brother, a Trinity senior, says. "In his words: 'bing, bang, boom,' and then our young boy becomes a man."
Immersed in the true hookup culture of Duke, another Trinity junior recalls that her first time in the sack was also the first time she had any sexual intimacy with her significant other. To top it off, it was in a motel on Myrtle Beach at the end of her first year at Duke. But to her credit, the "spur of the moment" incident flourished into a four-month long courtship.
They were neither "wasted" nor "sober" at the time. But they did use protection. "Lots of my friends already had sex and I felt I was ready," she says. "It was not as pleasurable as everyone said it would be, but it was with someone that I cared about and that was enjoyable."
Despite the less than ideal situations that some students have found themselves in when it came to losing their virginity, it's comforting to know that the traditional path toward a sexual relationship is still possible-even at Duke. Three years ago, a current Trinity senior lost her virginity on her roommate's bed when she was out of town. To be accurate, she pushed the two standard dorm-style twin beds together to imitate the spacious bed she had at home. "It was the night of my pledge formal, which also happened to be his birthday," she says of the unplanned coincidence. The two had been dating for two months and continued their relationship for about a year.
Not long after, another Trinity senior also gave away her carnal treasure to her boyfriend of a year-also on his birthday. She waited until she was certain that they were in love. "I wanted to make sure that I was ok with it because I thought for a really long time that I'd wait until I was married," she says. "It also happened on his birthday, which I realize is really cheesy." Almost three years later, the two are still dating, but have yet to complete their graduation requirements. Losing your virginity is only half the battle. The clock is ticking, seniors.
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