At this moment, dozens if not baker's dozens of people are reading this column wearing heavy coats and thermal underwear, and not because The Chronicle has high readership in Fargo, N.D. Rather, the reason so many of my readers are clad in North Face is that it is their shift in the tent.
That's right, Duke's most famous and freezing tradition, K-ville tenting, is already in full, soon-to-be-frosty force. When you think about it, tenting is pretty unbelievable. Students sleep outside in the cold for two months (way longer than Britney's first marriage) just to watch a game that lasts two hours (also longer than Britney's first marriage).
One hundred years from now an anthropologist with no knowledge of basketball might conclude that students just tended to get "sexiled" most frequently in January and February.
But seriously, before I go any further I must confess something-like Frenchy and beauty school, like Kanye and college-I am a K-ville dropout.
Last year I spent two nights in a tent after Winter Break and by the time that third night rolled around I had already found myself a tenting replacement. I had less stamina than Kirstie Alley on a treadmill, less willpower than Star Jones at a sorority bake sale. If K-ville 2007 were the famous Seinfeld episode "The Contest," I would have been Kramer.
Needless to say, I'm not the best authority when it comes to what truly motivates these crazy kids to brave conditions that would likely force even Bear Grylls to sleep in a hotel-again.
So, I decided to make the treacherous trek to K-ville to get some answers from the tenters themselves. Walking through K-ville I felt like Clive Owen in the final scenes of "Children of Men," but more handsome, of course. It was as if a group of students had suddenly moved into a Hudson Trail store and decorated the place with an interior design that could only be described as "refugee camp chic."
I asked several students why they were tenting and got some fairly boring responses. They used words like "bonding," "rite of passage" and "UNC sucks," but all I heard was "cliche," "cliche" and "UNC sucks." I listened to these seemingly canned answers and couldn't help but think that maybe this week's column would be extra short.
Finally, I came across a brave freshman girl who was willing to give me an honest and unusual answer. "Oh," she explained, "they'll probably show me in the stands and I'll get to be on TV. That's worth weeks of tenting." It didn't even matter to her that her face would flash faster than "Gilmore Girls" dialogue. "That's why TiVo was invented," she retorted. Touché. I asked her tentmates what they thought about this rationale and many of them begrudgingly echoed her camera-hogging sentiment.
The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Obviously, Duke is renowned for its Cameron Crazie cheering section-a group of students that jump higher and scream louder than Tom Cruise on daytime TV. However, as I noticed at the game last night, whenever the cameraman neared a portion of fans, those Crazies became downright psychotic.
Ultimately, I guess it all comes down to 15 minutes of fame (or in this case several seconds). Deep down all of us want it and we're willing to do some pretty ridiculous things to get it (See: "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila"). Fortunately, I think we all end up achieving that fame in our own unique ways, whether it's inventing a life-saving new medicine and appearing on NBC News or performing as an extra on "According to Jim."
Of course, there are more important reasons to tent for a Duke basketball game. However, for many students the prospect of having the image of their painted, sweaty body sandwiched between Coach K calling a timeout and an ad for Cialis is surprisingly appealing.
So, was I, Mr. Quitter, somehow immune to the lure of momentary fame? The reality is that the thought of TV face time never even crossed my negative Celsius mind. It was much, much colder last year than this past week when I tried out tenting. Frankly, all I wanted was out of my sleeping bag and back into my comfortable, warm bed.
In all honesty though, if someone a year ago would have mentioned that I had the chance of being featured prominently before ESPN cut to a Fathead commercial, I just might have toughed it out for a few more shifts in our K-ville tent.
David Distenfeld is currently tenting for the "I Love New York 3" auditions. It's his time to shine.
Get The Chronicle straight to your inbox
Signup for our weekly newsletter. Cancel at any time.