To the Class of 2011: You probably don't know it yet, but you are the luckiest Dukies on earth. Whereas the rest of us only have three, two or (gasp!) one year left, you still have all four. What I wouldn't give to take your place and do it all over again.
That, alas, is not a possibility. But if it were, I would want to do lots of things differently. The following tidbits would help.
Let's start small. You've probably heard that Duke students are required to complete five "graduation requirements." If not, memorize them now: (1) have sex in the library stacks; (2) have sex in the gardens; (3) explore the tunnels beneath East and/or West Campus; (4) scale the dome of Baldwin Auditorium; and (5) drive backwards around the West Campus circle.
To be totally honest, I've never heard of anyone tackling the last two. Save your energy for the first three, and pursue them with abandon. But do keep in mind that penalties for getting caught range from traffic citations to campus judicial action, and you do not want a piece of the latter. Godspeed.
Oh, and one aside on having sex in the stacks: As a former library employee, I promise that Perkins Level D is not a "sneaky" place to go for it, even at 4 a.m. The security guards know the lights are not supposed to be turned off, and if they catch you they may post your name and photo for all to see. How embarrassing.
Now you may be wondering, in the wake of our lacrosse controversy, whether it's a good idea to spend much time in Durham. The answer is absolutely. Durham is a charming little city, and there are great places to eat (including merchants not on points), unique sights to see and authentic Southern drawls to hear. Let's face it, you'd never get to learn on campus that "Nawth Cackalacky" is slang for North Carolina, so go out and experience the South on its own terms. Rewards will be forthcoming.
There are, of course, a few exceptions to this rule. As any upperclassman can tell you, Durham police often don't let the constitution get in their way when making arrests. Be careful when venturing off campus after hours, and for God's sake don't antagonize the Trinity Park residents when you do. Shockingly, they don't appreciate it when Duke students pee on their lawns, and they're liable to do something about it.
Also, you should know that there's lead in the water here, along with "slightly" high levels of two ominous-sounding organic compounds (trihalomethanes and haloacetic acids). I'm told that the on-campus risk for students is fairly low, but bladder cancer is not something I take lightly. So drink with caution. Or just drink bottled. Your choice.
A couple of thoughts on classes and class attendance: As much as it sucks, you really do have to go to class. I know what a hardship it is to roll out of bed at 1:10 p.m. every day, but you will fail one (or more) courses if you don't. No exceptions. And remember, one or more 'F''s during your first semester will get you an academic warning, probation or (worst case) dismissal. Plus, your GPA will never recover. You don't want to spend your next seven semesters making up for that first one. Seriously.
Although it's a bad idea to lie or cheat in general, you should keep a couple of things in mind if you decide to tempt fate: Professors can check the date you started a Word document, so don't insult their intelligence. Moreover, Duke has contracted in the past with an Internet service, Turnitin.com, that scan your paper for signs of plagiarism. Odds are you won't fool the computer, so don't be the one who throws it all away for an illicit paragraph. After everything you went through to get here, it's just not worth it.
Now if you ever do have a run-in with our vaunted judicial board, keep this in mind: You have very few rights. Your relationship with this University is contractual (not constitutional) and Duke can terminate that contract for an astonishing variety of reasons. These are not trials. There are no protections against double jeopardy and beating criminal charges often is not enough. You will still have to answer to the Undergraduate Judicial Board for your conduct, and crimes that occurred half a world away or during your Summer Break are fair game. So keep your nose clean and remember: Dick Brodhead is watching you.
This final point is important: Adjusting to college is a bitch at first. It's normal to (desperately) miss your old life for a time, and don't feel like a fraud if you don't "settle in" as quickly as others expect. There is a place for you here, and your primary job as a freshman (besides showing up to class) is to be patient while you search.
I say that because three years from now, when you're in my shoes, I think you'll agree that Duke is well worth the (occasionally painful) journey into adulthood it demands. You'll often hear it repeated that with our great privileges come responsibilities, which is certainly true. But first among those responsibilities is to make effective use of your time here, and to not get kicked out. Good luck, and welcome!
Kristin Butler is a Trinity senior. Her column will run every Tuesday.
Get The Chronicle straight to your inbox
Signup for our weekly newsletter. Cancel at any time.