Sex seems to be a conversational taboo at Duke-relegated to banal congratulations, a lá "Dude I can't believe you hit that!"-or lectures in the cloisters of McClendon. Where are the animated reenactments of how awkward the wheelbarrow really is? Or the involved debates over the merits of the reverse cowgirl? (Pros: not as intimate; Cons: not as intimate). As for further proof of our hush-hush mentality about sex, why is the LGBT Center in the basement of the West Union?
We're curious how many people can actually find the LGBT Center. We could use an updated T-shirt campaign: "gay? fine by me. where can i learn more?" But that would require effort on our part and doesn't quite have the same ring to it, does it?
Regardless of one's sexual orientation or preferences, we all excitedly anticipate the looming Spring Break. For most of us, SB2K7 offers the right blend of partial nudity, constant inebriation and boundary-free debauchery that allows us to open up a little and take it all in. (That's what she said!)
The first step in attaining lustful nights of frivolity is picking a good partner. Ideally, the partner is experienced, but disease-free. Fit, but not brawny. Suave, but not slimy. You get the point.
James and Joyce differ slightly on what they consider to be the important questions they ask of their partners. James: Do you have children? Do you have a partner? A criminal record? Intravenous drug user? Have you left the country in the past three months? Have you accepted money for sex? If so, how much? Joyce: Do you have a condom? Your place or mine?
While we strongly encourage you to push some boundaries with your chosen partner (act out a fantasy, bend some gender), be careful about the extent of your public exposure. If money shots of bald celebrities' unmentionables are but a cellphone away, rest assured that pictures of you in a wet T-shirt contest or similarly scandalous setting WILL surface on Facebook. Don't be na've and think they won't. Also, expect that you will have to explain these to Goldman executives in your future interviews.
And if you are tempted to flash strangers because they're incessantly chanting your name, just remember that you could be getting paid for this. We hear that "Girls with Low Self-Esteem" pays particularly well. Risks include your visage on recurring late night TV ads, and of course, low self-esteem.
If you are going with a wet T-shirt, or just boosting your SPF-factor, we ask you to consider wearing your "I KNOW MY STATUS" shirt at the beach. Because nothing says sex more than an affirmation of your HIV-awareness.
Following six weeks of Kanye's Workout Plan ("eat your salad, no dessert/ get that man you deserve"), we implore, nay DEMAND, that all of you EAT A SANDWICH! With cheese! Enough of the damn salad. And get out of the stifled gym and into the warm glow of the sun.
Which brings us to our next point: Tanorexia. Everyone looks good with a little golden glow, we are all about the health and radiance. We do not, however, condone either the orange or the leathery outcomes of tanning. Melanoma, no matter how oddly musical in its cadence, is not sexy.
Now that you look good and have a partner, you can't wait to begin exploring. We must add our obligatory public health message: safety is of the essence at this point. Let what happens in Daytona stay in Daytona, and not require some form of treatment upon your return. We understand condoms are often hard to find during those clutch moments, so please make sure those tiny purses or Hawaiian-print Bermudas are stuffed with them.
As an aside, we would like to point out that flavored condoms are a brilliant invention. We applaud safe and tasty oral endeavors. However, recognize that sugary substances do not belong inside other body cavities. Not unless you want to be particularly uncomfortable in your bathing suit the next morning.
We've dealt with condoms, but to keep in line with Dubya's policies and continue receiving federal funds, we are required to remind you that abstinence is an option. Not always a bad one either-Bollywood movies seem to be replete with love scenes that barely involve touching. At the very least, go tantric and deny yourself the sexual pleasure until you get married. Or find a condom. Whichever comes first.
(All of the above apply if you're staying in Durham, too. )
James and Joyce are in search of bartenders who know when to shut up and seal the deal. Jessica Ballou and Suparna Salil would like to wish KSkog a happy birthday.
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