Be a better person: watch MTV

You don't want to hear this, but the people at MTV are sheer geniuses. They have completely reinvented television. Usually, a good television program needs either a premise that viewers can relate to or characters they could like. This is a difficult task, and the vast majority of shows on television really, really suck.

So the bright people at MTV made everything a whole lot simpler by doing just the opposite of what we would expect: they created television programs that no one can relate to filled with characters that no one could possibly like.

Think about shows like The Real World, Tiara Girls, Laguna Beach, The Hills, and my favorite, My Super Sweet Sixteen. I cannot relate to anyone who has appeared on these programs. I have never had to deal with an overbearing pageant coach, stress out about whether or not my fashion designer could deliver my personalized sequined blazer, or ride in a helicopter on the way to my birthday party. These people live in a world completely unlike my own.

Also, can you think of one person on these shows that you would actually want as a friend? They are all shallow, spoiled, materialistic idiots. If they don't already have a drinking problem, they will probably develop one soon. No one really wants to be these people. We may covet their wealth, good looks or fame, but we don't want their personalities. If I were offered the chance to wake up tomorrow as veritable jerk Jason from The Hills, I know I would pass. Unlike a lot of people on television, the personalities on MTV are completely loathsome and unlikable. And I believe that this is saving America.

Allow me to explain. Through their programming, MTV is committing a great public service. They are slowly boosting the self-confidence of millions of viewers. Just watching MTV makes me feel better about myself. Every night, I can turn on the TV and see someone who is unquestionably a worse human being than I am.

Now, I'm no Mother Theresa, but at least I have never dumped a girl the day after Valentine's Day or forced someone into admitting that she is a slut. MTV reassures me that I am a pretty normal, capable person. To use psychological jargon, MTV is providing the world with mass "downward social comparisons" that simply make me look good by contrast. Somehow, it's extremely comforting to know that awful people like this exist.

But, MTV programming does not only make me feel like a more reasonable human being-it may even help me make more friends. The New York Times Magazine discussed a concept called "negativity friendships" in its December "ideas of the year" issue. According to Jennifer Bosson, a social psychologist at the University of South Florida, what we dislike can matter in friendship as much as what we like. Bosson explains how "it's not that we enjoy disliking people, it's that we enjoy meeting people who dislike the same people."

This is where MTV has made things a lot easier. They have created shows where it's very easy to hate everyone. With negativity friendships, I imagine that this hatred will eventually manifest itself into lifelong bonds. I can picture it now: best friends meeting as Brianna systematically ignores Rocky at her pool party or marriages forming as Davis from The Real World yells a racial slur.