Apparently, we Duke students are the smartest people in the world, nay, the universe, maybe even Research Triangle Park. From all the hullabaloo I hear on this campus about the Duke student body, I can draw only one conclusion: we are the smartest beings alive. The funniest part is when people admonish us for downplaying how smart we are, and then tell us we must accept and embrace our abnormally and ridiculously high intelligences. This led me to wonder what exactly smart means, and why we Duke students have so much of this mysterious quality. Since Duke is obviously the finest arbiter of who the brainiacs are in the high school crowd, I reflected on what got us into this equally excellent institution, and this is what I found:
If smart means getting a super high SAT or ACT score, then sure, a bunch of us are smart. Only the few, the proud, the Duke student body could do well on these standardized tests, sure-fire methods of measuring intelligence. It"s not as if these scores are the results of nervous, Adderall-popping high school Duke applicants taking practice tests constantly and actually studying for a standardized test. Nah, the average Duke SAT score by itself shows that we are, in two words, super geniuses.
If smart means being a lazy bum, not working or doing anything constructive but still acing all your tests, then many of us are painfully bright. The prevalent definition of an intelligent person would be someone who can naturally do well on tests without preparing for them, but what if he or she is the laziest, most disengaged person on the planet? Whatever, I guess that doesn"t matter because, woo hoo, even though I have no drive whatsoever, I aced my tests and now I can go smoke pot. Okay, maybe I"m a little hard on these types. It is highly probable that they correspond with the first category, doing well on standardized tests in high school and maybe even, dare I say, the Presidential Physical Fitness test in P.E.
Alternatively, if smart means working your ass off all through high school to get a good GPA, then, yes again, many of us are whiz kids. These ones are the prime examples of hardworking among our crowd because they were working weekend nights to get the same or lower grades as the people in the previous category. However, these people are apparently not intelligent in the traditional sense, but who"s to say someone who is extremely dedicated and willing to put in the work necessary to succeed is not intelligent? I"d say they"re damn good at doing something that is going to help them succeed, and if intelligence isn"t it, then we are using the wrong standards.
Finally, if smart means you pile on the AP classes and clubs and sports and community service and general extracurricular activities, then every one of us is definitely due for a Nobel Prize in general intelligence. Everybody here at Duke had some sort of extra padding on their application in order to increase their 'applicant attractiveness' to the admissions office. Sure, this does not seem relevant to the intelligence of the student body, but we are the geniuses, right, so whatever contributed to the tower of acumen that made us Duke quality must be indicative of said alarmingly sky-scraping intelligence.
So let me restate that sentence from before. From all the hullabaloo I hear on this campus about the Duke student body, I can draw only one conclusion: We are full of ourselves. If smart means believing way too highly of oneself, then we are rocket scientists. I"m not sure what intelligence worth bragging about is or should be, but it"s not characterized by the imperfections described above. Maybe it is a composite that is representative of only an elite few of accomplished students here. So instead of accepting your role as a superior, super intelligent member of the human species, do what you"re doing and embrace a little modesty instead. Then you can tell everyone you are the most modest person ever.
Ashwin Bhirud is a Trinity sophomore. His column appears every other Wednesday.
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