Psst… DUPD, I have a little secret that I think you should know. I know this might come as a bit of a shock, but college students, well, we drink. And we party. Sometimes, we do both. Yes, it is true and I’m sorry to be the one to break the news, but I feel like you should know.
I’m only telling you this because I think I can trust you. After all, you protect us from the real bad guys on campus: drunk frat boys. Recently, however, the frat boys have been dethroned as the biggest threat on campus. Now, we have gun-wielding people looking to rob and/or hurt us. So, I propose that you guys give us college students a break and fight some real crime.
I’m not going to point out the obvious, that citations for drunken students at KA’s frottage party were being handed out as others were being robbed… or maybe I am. I understand that sometimes you get cabin fever. If you don’t ticket somebody every five hours, you get all antsy-in-your-pantsy; but I think that in the big picture, we have bigger problems than parking anywhere but Blue Lot. Henry, guitarist for Kody—with a K—told me he saw a car on Central Campus that was issued a ticket at 1:27 a.m. Saturday “morning.” Now, if I’m not mistaken, that would be around the time between the two robberies that took place last weekend. Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?
Now, don’t get me wrong. I get it. You just need to do your jobs, and I respect that. I know that you’re just looking out for the public’s safety… kind of. And I also know that crime happens. Even with a million Robocops on Segways, crime will find a way to happen (see Minority Report).
I was really pleased to see more police patrols on campus this week. It indeed gave me a strong sense of security and safety, especially at night. The real test, however, will come in the future. Who will you be looking for? Who will you be punishing? I want to say that you will undoubtedly keep us safe from people who truly threaten our safety, but part of me is afraid that you will do what you have done best the past few years: break up parties.
You know, we avoid you like the plague. When we hear “5-0” or “cam-po,” we cringe, get all nervous and run away. This does not speak highly of your reputation among young people. Why, you ask? It’s because we’re afraid of what you will do. We don’t see you as helping or protecting us when you come into a house and tell everybody to go home drunk and sometimes alone.
This brings me back to that aforementioned secret. Please note that I wrote “college students,” and not just “Duke students.” I make this distinction clear because this is not exclusive to our campus. Whether you like it or not, students will find a way to drink. We will buy alcohol with our fake IDs, drink it in secrecy and hope to God you won’t slap us with a citation. Though, even if you do bust us for having booze illegally, chances are, you will NOT deter us from drinking again. Sorry. On the other hand, being caught may make a robber or sexual assaultant think twice before pulling a gun on another person.
So, I urge you to continue patrolling the poorly lit areas of campus. I urge you to smile at us on the paths because we’re not supposed to be fighting each other. I urge you to continue to be a presence on this and every campus.
I know this is a two-way street, and we will try to make your job easier. We won’t leave ourselves quite as susceptible to crime. We will practice partying responsibly, I hope. And, we will thank you. We will return those smiles because we will know that your primary objective is to keep us safe.
DUPD, I hope this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Sarah Kwak is a Trinity sophomore.
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