"We're going streaking!"

I know. It's a dangerous statement. And by all rights, I shouldn't be making it, but for some reason, I just can't help it. Maybe it's the fact that I've been unable to walk down the Bryan Center walkway for the past two weeks without hearing "You're my boy, Blue!" screamed from frat brother to frat brother, or maybe it's because everyone's new favorite post-beer exclamation is "Fill it up again!" Maybe it's because my friends are actually looking into the possibility of purchasing industrial-size cans of K-Y for an upcoming wrestling night. It's almost official: we are all freakishly obsessed with Old School.

  For those who haven't seen this quirky, college-like-it-should-be gem (all two of you... incidentally, the same people who didn't catch The Royal Tenenbaums or Zoolander either... shame on you), keep reading. It's not like you haven't heard the whole damn film quoted verbatim in your public policy seminar anyway. And for the rest of you Frank-the-Tank faithful, I say hooray. Ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, beer-soaked slackers of all ages--we have found our generation's Animal House.

  Admittedly, we've been close before. Ever since John Landis and National Lampoon set the cinematic bar for frat house debauchery with the way-too-old for college characters of Flounder, Otter and Pinto ("Why Pinto?" "Why not?!") in 1978, Hollywood has been falling all over itself to recapture the moronic magic of university humor. The plan was never to be original. Make no mistake--the poorest attempts at a college comedy, if nothing else, pay homage to Animal House. The best, however, adhere firmly to the formula and proudly wear the red badge of rip-off. Animal House was it, people. It ain't getting any better.

  Revenge of the Nerds (the original; sequels suck), Fast Times at Ridgemont High (the high school equivalent of college humor) and PCU stuck to the rules and earned their places as worthy additions to any DVD collection--to be displayed less prominently, viewed after and quoted less frequently than Animal House, of course. In a lesser sense, 1999's American Pie (the original; sequels suck) and 2000's Road Trip have also graduated cum laude from the school of mindless, gross-out laughs. But, alas, fans of beer, bongs, boobs and butts, Old School will accomplish something that these fine films could not. It's going to be a classic, on par with the one true tale of college lives that are way, way more fun than yours.

  Taking a tranquilizer dart in the jugular and charging through a kid's birthday party? Shedding clothes and streaking "through the quad up to the gymnasium"? This is comedy. Real comedy. Now, I'm not calling for Oscars or anything, but Animal House, the godfather of asinine delight, didn't exactly rack up any accolades, other than mega-cult classic status. Judging by the frequency with which Duke students are watching and rewatching the Old School DVD--and of course firing off Will Ferrell quotes at every possible opportunity--I'd say we as a college comedy culture are ready to exchange our Blutos for our Beanies, our Dean Wormers for our Dean Pritchards, and our Otis Day and the Knights for a certain foul-mouthed wedding singer who laces "Total Eclipse of the Heart" with a total barrage of nearly subliminal f-bombs. Consider it the passing of the torch. And consider yourself lucky for being witness to it. Old School is--every bit as much as its fabled predecessor--about screwing the system, damning the man, rooting for the rejects and drinking until you vomit out of pure principle. Truth be told, it's also probably as funny.

  In light of the recent DVD re-release of Animal House (the "Double-Secret Probation Widescreen Edition"), my theory is that the original master is reemerging once more to formally give its blessing to the new classic, in a very eerie Star Wars, Obi-Wan Kenobi to Luke Skywalker sort of way. In the spirit of this cinematic legacy, I say buy them both.

  Kick back, open up a case, watch them back-to-back and laugh your ass off. And let's hope never to see Old School 2. Just the original; sequels suck.  

 Drinking Game for Watching Old School
 1. Every time someone calls Mitch "The Godfather," take a drink.
 2. Every time Frank yells "You're my boy, Blue," take two drinks.
 3. Every time one of your friends annoyingly yells "You're my boy, Blue," make him finish. Then slap him.
 4. Every time the breadmaker gets re-gifted, take a shot.
 5. Every time Beanie flashes that deeply hidden heart of gold, toast him heartily. Then finish your beer.
 6. Every time Beanie calls for "earmuffs," take a shot.
 7. When Blue dies, pour a little of your drink out. Then finish the rest. Sing along to "Dust in the Wind."
 8. Every time Dean Pritchard (ably played by Jeremy Piven in a very un-Droz like role) threatens to shut down the fun, hiss loudly. Then take two drinks.
 9. Someone must get naked when Frank does. If not, everyone finishes.
 10. Fill it up again!