GRID PICKS

It all started with the Sports Staff's weekly meeting. It always does with this eery and leery band of sports reporters and fanatics.

It was Friday afternoon and the sun was shining. You could tell it was hot because "Makes you give a double take because he looks so much like Ru Paul" Crowley's glasses were fogging up. Then again, Paul's glasses fog up a lot. It may be because of his incessant crossdressing. No one is really sure. He's an interesting guy. Paul also enjoys singing I wish I had "Jesse Colvin's girl" once or twice a day.

So it was Friday, and it was hot. Whatever was the roving band to do?

Beirut was the answer. Well, that wasn't the first idea. "Assaad is an anagram for 'as darn ass'" Nasr wanted to just sit around and tell weepy stories, but Robbie "I hug people when I've had too much Samuel Adams" said no. And when Robbie says no, people tend to listen--he is a tank, after all.

Everyone listened, that is, except for Malavika Prab "hu-ka!, I need a huka right now!" She just wanted to sit on the balcony and smoke strawberry tobacco. Oh Malavika...will you ever learn?

So the Beirut began, and it was tournament format. It would not be any other way, but Jake "it's rumored that he Poses in Playgirl magazine" said he only plays non-tournament format. Tyler "Rose to the occasio "n" at least on this day" disagreed and put his foot down. Tournament was the way it was going to be.

In the first round, Karen Haupt "-man is she bad at this game, what does she know about football anyway?" and her partner in crime, Jane "the bane of lord Hetherington's existence" lost badly to "Catherine I live in a Sullivan down by the river."

Next was a true matchup of champions...of titans, really. Alex "I was Gar- ish -in my criticism of Jesse's call to Japan so I am going in to hiding because he is dan -ger ous" was to do battle with Andrew "why in the world is Arkansas not in Grid Picks this week?" Collins. Oh man, was it a treat for all present to watch. Garinger was hot out of the gate, hitting five cups in a row. Then Andrew got mad and knocked over all but one of Alex's cups. What was Alex to do? He motioned to his faithful photo editor, Anthony "if you look at me funny i'll throw a right Cross" headbutted Andrew and retaliated. It was now a one-on-one game. Andrew missed and Alex was up. He said a prayer to his dog Ajax and hit the cup. Everyone then agreed they liked Ajax.

The afternoon continued and soon there were only a few players left. Paula "Lehman aren't these Chronicle parties crazy...do you like my pants?" was a frontrunner but sadly, Cross got angry again and knocked her out. Have no fear, though, faithful grid picks reader. The dominant duo of Ted "Mann up and shotgun this freaking beer, this is Blue's territory now!" and G- "-abe lincoln was my favorite president" Githens threw Cross out of the office. Matt "Sull-en because Jesse already used the joke about the van down by the river" took down Mike "my chest is over devolped in comparsion to the rest of my body and eats apples to the Corey" in double overtime to win the championship. It was a fitting end to a strange, but not uncommon day for the Sports Staff. After getting Malavika back from the balcony and giving smelling salts to Anthony Cross's victims, the entire bunch went to the Sports office to Royal Rumble.