Welcome Back, Alien

The extra terrestrial has reared his endearing, bulbous head again. E.T. purists are horrified by the additions and modifications to what they deemed an already perfect film. Cynics scoff at the cheap scheme to make millions more off the little naked alien. But for big kids who weren't quite big enough the first time around to remember the plot in full, the scene where E.T. stands frozen among the stuffed animals in Elliot's closet to hide from his mom is enough to send us all running to find our Smurf lunchboxes and Superman capes.

After being away from E.T. for over a decade, the nostalgia is overwhelming. And this time, the separation anxiety is worse. You know what happens after the credits roll--you know there will be no E.T. Part II where he returns to earth and reunites with Elliot. This time when he boards the spaceship, he takes your childhood with him back into the dark corners of the universe where it dwells these days.

Unfortunately, a few misdirected changes were made to the 20th anniversary edition. To make the film more politically correct, the word "hippie" replaces the word "terrorist" to describe Elliot's brother's Halloween costume--combat boots, camouflage pants and a fake knife sticking out the side of his head. Doesn't Spielberg remember what hippies look like? They usually avoid fatigues and bloody weapons.

Also, the federal agents' guns were remastered to look like clunky wakie-talkies from the '80s. Apparently after becoming a dad, Spielberg decided the idea of big men with guns chasing innocent children was too violent for his fatherly sensibilities.

Seeing 30 men flailing walkie-talkies around reeks of awkward digital enhancement and is scary in its own special way. Besides the scene is violent even with the docile wakie-talkies--cop cars chase boys on bikes and nearly hit them.

So my question is, when are they going to re-release the plastic fingers that glow on the end? These days they would probably come with an LED light so bright E.T. could see it from his home planet. Maybe we could signal for him to come back again.