No Blow Zone

Because one good penis joke deserves another, Recess brings you yet another story of nookie in the news.

This time it's in Lusaka, Zambia, where a German tourist was reportedly sentenced to six years in jail for pleading guilty to engaging in oral sex, a crime in that country.

Wolfgang Seifarth, 65, was charged with violation of a local morality law after authorities found him in the compromising situation behind a bush with a 22-year-old woman. Magistrate Aloysius Mapate said in his ruling that oral sex was "a gross abomination against Zambian laws." Gross? You're damn right it's gross. He's 65! Cue disgusting mental image of German geriatric gettin' his freak on.

Zambia is by law a Christian nation, and frowns on any form of unconventional sex or sexual relationships. Note to self: Cancel plans for fun-filled hedonistic getaway to Spring Break Zambia.

Seifarth's sentence, which was actually lessened because he is a first-time offender, includes strenuous work requirements--that's right: hard labor. Sounds to me like ol' Wolfgang has already done enough "hard labor" for a few years at least. And what's that inmate-to-inmate conversation going to be like? "What are you in for? Oh, really?!?" Yep. He should be very popular in prison.

Zambian officials say that Seifarth's sentence should be viewed as a staunch warning to anyone considering similar unacceptable actions in their country. They've even suggested a new national motto: "Zambia--if you're going down, you're going down." And you thought it was bad when your parents walked in.

Let this be a lesson to you, too. Don't down the zippers in Zambia, or you just might end up in jail. That sucks.