WALLACE WADE STADIUM -- Dismayed by the lack of attendance at recent football games, the Grid Pickers headed out to Wally Wade, excited about the Duke-Maryland contest Saturday. Unaware that the game was being played four hours away, these Chronicle staffers were eager for the game to start.
Ambik "-er was a really cool Muppets character" -a Kumar was perhaps the most excited about the game, spouting off her extensive football knowledge.
"I think Duke is favored by three," she said.
Fellow Socialists Mar "Rin Tin" tin Barna and Dave In "-bred" gram quickly silenced their teammate with an exorbitant amount of electrical tape and sedatives.
Cra "-yola crayons are made in Easton, Penn."-ig Saperstein laughed at Kumar's stupidity, while Paul "I'm a" Dor "-k because I wore tights as a kid" -an was mumbling something about her being unconscious.
Kevin Lees "ville High school will lose to Shavlik" was oblivious to the events surrounding him, as he was already busy searching for Thanksgiving break plane tickets to Swampscott, Mass.
However, the only two other females, Christ "mas break will mean that Duke can't lose any more football games this year"-ina Petersen and "If you have a new car then you're not on financial" Adrienne Mercer, were quick to rush to Kumar's defense, noting that she was distracted by her boyfriend's constant phone calls.
Bored by the lack of on-field action, Tyler "where the red fern g-" Rosen and Andrew "Take me to the place where the grass is" Green "and the girls are pretty" -field began a football game of their own, although Greenfield needed to be reminded about the rules of football after trying to use a pitching wedge.
Greg "Quaker State motor oil has great" Veis "-cosity" and "The National League playoffs just don't" Matt "er" Atwood also wanted to play, but Veis was upset that he couldn't be on his fraternity brother's team and sulked back to section to play quarters.
Refusing to play with such low-quality players, Kevin "Christopher" Lloyd "is better in Clue than in Back to the Future" and Nick "Anderson is a basketball deity" Christie tried to start their own game, but nobody on staff recognized them since they never came to the sports staff meetings.
Instead of playing football, Jim Her "Those idiots at Maryland really like to" riott, Pra "-cticing for Diwali makes me cool" tik Patel and Eddie "Bauer is both a clothing designer and a Duke student" Geisinger were practicing basketball, since they needed to back up Patel's e-mail boasting before Friday's showdown.
Meanwhile, "Look Mommy I" Drew "within the lines" Klein and John Bush "-whacker" were cheerleading on the sidelines, hoping to inspire their comrades, while Thad Par "-ties with alcohol aren't allowed in Brownstone" -sons kept telling everyone about how his selective house had the largest section on campus.
Neophyte picker Gabe "I like to do it on other people's futons" Githens was the only one to notice the absence of Harold "Gold pretzels are what give me such a big" Gutmann and Evan "Thank goodness for this DSG gig or Grid Picks would still be talking about how I'm Zach's cousin" Davis, who, despite their whining, had to go cover the game in College Park.
--By Jim Herriott's mommy
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