The greatest drama Shakespeare never wrote

A while ago, I attended a lecture on how to report politics--both local and national. A political reporter from USA Today was headlining the lecture. She opened up with a peculiar statement.

"Politics is really just Shakespeare," she said to a puzzled crowd of aspiring journalists.

I'm not sure if this was an attempt by her to "be cool" with the audience of 19- and 20-year-olds. She'd likely have been much cooler to this relatively theater-ignorant audience if she had said "politics is like a keg party."

At first, her statement made me think, "I know Shakespeare. Shakespeare is a friend of mine. And politics, you're no Shakespeare."

Then, the reporter continued. She explained to us how politics was all just one big drama with twists and turns and minor players and exits and entrances and that in his life a politician plays many roles. First, he is the freshman congressman, mewling and shouting from the corner of the House floor, not realizing that there are microphones and procedures. Then, the soldier, voting for everything his leadership tells him in a bid to gain a position in the caucus. Then the lover, loving his constituents so much that he needs to break his term-limit pledge. Then, the adult, running for senator on a completely different set of views than those that earned him re-election from his local, partisan district.

Then, the second infancy, having spent five terms in the Senate, and having failed three times for the presidency or vice presidency, the politician mewls and shouts, sans office staff, sans ambition, sans agenda, but with enough clout to flip the entire chamber on its head whenever the prime minister of Norway makes a reference to funding birth control in the third world (thanks, Jesse Helms).

Granted, that was not verbatim from the reporter. But after the lecture I found myself agreeing that our current political dramas were very much like a Shakespearean epic. But which one?

I wanted it to be "Hamlet," but the presidency is not passed on from family member to family member. Oh wait. Then again, the whole incest thing just creeps me out. In an effort to not offend Barbara Bush, let's examine another play.

"Coriolanus?" A man is conquered by pride and will take no one's advice? Sure sounds like former president Bill Clinton. He's brought down by a woman, too? Again, Clinton. This play may have been the model for the previous presidency.

Perhaps there is no Shakespearean play that best sums up the current Congressional situation. There are currently three story lines in D.C., and it is likely going to be very difficult to cross them into one Shakespeare-like conclusion--with all loose ends tied up in a marvelous fifth act.

First, we have the Rep. Gary Condit non-scandal scandal. While Chandra Levy's parents and Connie Chung continue their bizarre search for the "truth," we seem to have forgotten the real issue in this case--the search for Chandra. Our desire to see a story of sex turning into violence a la "Othello" or "Romeo and Juliet" has resulted in a search for justice that is indifferent to realities. The realities are that Condit is nothing more than a sleaze and that our nation's capital city is a national embarrassment when it comes to two rates: crime and "sleeping with interns."

Our second story line is the disappearing surplus. King W. seems to have found a way to break every single campaign (and presidential) promise, by spending so much money on his tax cut that we now have to use Social Security funds to pay for defense and education--something he asserted he'd never do. Like the childish king in "Richard II," Bush seems to be learning the hard way how to lead--one cannot govern on a smile and with hubris, it takes the art of compromise. With Congress back in session next week, we'll learn if W. has it--the art of compromise that is, because he certainly does not have the surplus.

Our last story line is the great mentioning. Again like "Richard II," where there was certainty that the banished Bolingbroke would challenge for the crown, it appears that former presidential candidate Al Gore is again going to seek the Democratic nomination. By campaigning for candidates in Virginia and New Jersey, Gore is mounting a slow comeback. One cannot blame him--he's already won one election. Now--just like Bolingbroke--he simply needs support from the high court to take the prize that is rightly his.

Politics may not be like any one Shakespearean epic, but the power struggles that will unfold over the next couple months will certainly make us pine for reading iambic pentameter and wondering what Richard III was foreshadowing when he said "woe to the land that's governed by a child."