DURHAM - With only three more games remaining of heart-pounding Airborne football and a full season of crazy basketball closing in on the horizon the GridPickers decided to be the lazy and irresponsible students that they are and take the week off to relax.
While, all the GridPickers were just hanging around the office procrastinating and drinking some day old beer, Harold "when I get drunk I start to rub my" Gutmann had a great idea. Since, some of the staff had not seen the light of day since the fall semester started and the golf teams were basically done with their fall seasons the GridPickers would head over to the Washington Duke Golf Club for a fun 18 holes.
Just to make sure he would not fall too far behind in his studies and the news Steven "I'm" Wright "and your wrong" brought along his books and a laptop to keep him occupied on the course.
Much to the surprise of his playing partners Wright was a golf pro and ex-hustler. The staff questioned the big man's skills and why he did not tryout for the golf team. Wright answered "I am Tiger Woods, but I'm a writer."
Wright was 3-under par and putting for eagle when his playing partner Kevin "I have nothing more to contribute to the sports meetings than complain about the absence of alcohol" was Lloyd "-ering" around the free kegs instead of looking for his ball. Lloyd, who has been absent from the last few meetings due to an unknown illness, felt fine on the course, but had trouble with his hand-eye coordination after the fourth hole.
Also playing with Wright and Lloyd was the head of Kville himself "I would like to go against the" Norm "but" Bradley "is not up for election". In order to compete with Wright's smooth swing and Lloyd's cravings for beer the tentmaster continuously lectured about how his tent policy would be much better than those of the past.
At one point in the round Lloyd and Wright got so fed up with Norm's banter that they threw him into the lake on the 12th hole saying something to the effect of "tell your f#*@ing policy to the fish".
Playing behind the group of Wright, Lloyd, Bradley and one other to be named later was none other than Team Girl. At first the foursome of Andrea "there's nothing like an X-rated" Bookman, Sarah "my last name can almost be a McDonald's sandwich" McG"r"ill, Jenny "don't call me Mr." Robinson, and Jamie "you can be-" Levy "me, if you dare" didn't want to make the journey to the Washington Duke in fear of embarrassing the rest of the guys, but some anonymous taunting made them change their minds.
The final golfer in the Wright, Lloyd, and Bradley foursome was football and WWF guru Craig "nothing rhymes with my name and that makes me so" Saperstein. Craig tried to ignore the rest of the chaos in the group and focus on his golf game, but that eventually failed and by the 18th hole he had repeatedly hit Lloyd, to the point of necessary hospitalization, with his five-iron.
Following Team Girl was the foursome of Andrew "I always stay in the" Greenfield, Brody "I have to remind myself to sleep or I will start to see" Greenwald "-s and blues all over", Barrett "my golf clubs are not as long as my" Peterson and Regan "I don't" Hsu "I kick ass".
When the foursome first stepped on the first tee Sports Editor Greenwald immediately ran for cover shouting "it's too bright!" After running around like a chicken with its head cut off for an hour, Brody found a nice shady spot on the course and took a much-needed nap.
Unfortunately, three GridPickers were not able to make the special outing. Ray "I wish I could meet the" Holloman "he is so cool", Greg "I need lots of pants because when I get mad I do a lot of" Pessin, and Team Neophytes all decided to drive to Wake in hope of witnessing the football team's first win of the season. Well, that never happened considering their car stalled leaving the Duke parking lot-leaving the group crying back to their dorms.
- By Al Gore and George W. Bush, two men dumb enough to work for the sports staff.
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