Ballots, Bush, Baker III and Nixon, Esq.

"The purpose of our national election is to establish a 'Constitutional government,' not unending legal wrangling," said former Secretary of State James Baker III, Friday, Nov. 10, 2000.

"This morning, we have asked that the United States District Court for the Southern District of Florida...." Baker III, again, Nov. 11, 2000, announcing a lawsuit to stop four Florida counties from hand counting their ballots. What a difference a day makes.

Hypocrisy? Big Time.

Even after losing in federal court yesterday, Baker will at this rate be before the U.N. Security Council tonight and speaking with the International War Crimes Tribunal on Wednesday morning. The Hauge has no electoral votes.

Turning on CNN these days is like turning on Saturday Night Live.

First, watch the vote counters hold their ballots up to the light. See them stare and peek at the hanging, pregnant and dimpled chads. Ask yourself, "Who thought it would be fun to call a dangling bit of democracy a boy's first name? Is that sexist? Couldn't they have called them Barbara? If these precious chads, who might determine our next president, were called Barbaras, would the Democrats claim bias?"

Imagine Daley and Christopher, Esq. offering up their explanations of why the dangling ballot-iciples should be renamed Moeshas or Susans. Or, given their party's recent success, Hillarys.

Cut to Baker III giving a press conference where he calls the Democrats "ridiculous" for worrying about the Barbaras. Then witness Baker III filing a federal lawsuit the next day, to challenge Daley's proposed renaming of the Hillarys.

Politics has entered its silly season. This happens every once in a while, and last time it was not as rosy as popular history wants us to believe.

Forty years ago it was Nixon accusing Kennedy of voter-fraud. Oh, excuse me, I mean Nixon's surrogates. It can be a real pain to dispel popular history like this, but the evidence remains-Nixon was not the gracious loser he wanted us to think he was. I know it is hard to imagine an ungracious Nixon, but bear with me.

Within a couple days of the election, Nixon operatives (the Baker III's of their time) sought recounts in 11 states that Kennedy won by a hair. The FBI was contacted and grand juries were empaneled. In Texas, a recount was sought in Federal Court. The Secret Nixon Team filed motions, but they were thrown out of court because the judge cited that he did not have jurisdiction (Sound familiar?).

There was a full recount in Cook County, Ill. (Did they use butterfly ballots or a hand count?) Initially, Kennedy won Illinois by 4,500 votes. The Cook County recount turned up 983 votes for Nixon, and also showed that Nixon's votes were overcounted in most of the county's precincts. The GOP again filed a lawsuit in Federal Court, just to see it dismissed. Later, the GOP filed a complaint with the majority-Republican Illinois Board of Elections: They too dismissed Nixon's dying attempt to become president.

All the hanging chads and swinging Barbaras netted Nixon nothing. He later would claim that he had no idea that these efforts were going on, on his behalf. Wait a second, the guy who kept a list of enemies let this imaginary fraud slide by? Yeah, sure, and Baker III is opposed to lawsuits. He's got a bridge he'd like to sell, too....

Before I continue, I must point out one detail from 1960: Following a mandatory recount, Hawaii switched from Nixon to Kennedy. His efforts cost him three electors. They must have been his enemies.

In 1961, an Illinois special prosecutor agreed with the Illinois Election Board's findings-the only fraud was between Nixon's ears.

So, what does this have to do with the price of potato pancakes in West Palm Beach County?

Let's consult Baker III: "What if we insisted on recounts in other states that are very close? For example, in Wisconsin, Iowa and [if we don't win] New Mexico...."

There it is, the GOP is at it already-the ballots in New Mexico have been sequestered at the request of the Bush campaign. Bush currently holds a four-vote margin in New Mexico. This counting, according to the Associated Press, involved a limited hand counting of damaged ballots. Baker III's lawsuit must be pending.

Baker III's ruse of recounts in Iowa and Wisconsin (and Oregon) are just that-attempts to divert the attention of the public from Florida's crisis to fraudulent fraud. Gore's margins of victory in those states range from 6,000 to 7,000 votes. Compared to Florida-where 6 million ballots revealed a margin of victory of less than 2,000 votes in the first count-these efforts in the Hawkeye, Badger and Beaver states are truly grasping at straws (Combined, those three states have a smaller population than Florida). Not exactly Big Time.

Daley and Christopher have now countered with their own suit, trying to keep Florida's Republican Secretary of State from effectively shutting down all recount efforts by demanding that each Florida county report their final tally by 5 p.m. Tuesday. She has the power to keep it open longer, but Bush-I mean Baker III, I mean Nixon-won't let her.

Martin Barna is a Trinity junior and editorial page editor of The Chronicle.

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