Unlikely Endorsements

Well, the first presidential debate is over, and it didn't provide much in the way of surprises. So, being the responsible media outlet we are, Recess thought it was our duty to report on something you might find surprising-George Dubya just snagged a huge endorsement from none other than Marilyn Manson. As if the satanic shockmeister didn't have enough problems, it seems Marilyn also thinks the GOP is the only safe place for his pugilistic nihilism. Saying in this month's Talk magazine that he can't stand veep nominee Joe Lieberman, the master of puppets opined: "If I had to pick, I'd pick Bush, and not necessarily by default.... I know I don't support what the other team is about."

Since zesty debates are an unlikely prospect, there's no reason for the fun to stop here. In fact, psychopaths and nitwits across the political spectrum should be encouraged to give our nation's would-be leaders their nod. Here are a few of our suggestions:

Eminem endorses Pat Buchanan. Three reasons-their mutual dislike of NAFTA and the WTO, their opposotion to a woman's right to choose (Eminem won't let his wife choose to leave him) and their impressive and consistent hatred of gays. Slogan: Pat Buchanan-the real slim shady.

Lars Ulrich endorses Ralph Nader. Pinko Ralphie needs Ulrich to endorse him. Why? Because support from the Napster-bashing Metallica frontman is the ony way Nader can boast any kind of capitalist credentials.

Puff Daddy endorses W. Puffy is facing weapons charges, and the Bush-Cheney ticket supports handguns on demand. If rappers had more guns, imagine what a wonderful place the United States would be. "Cop Killer" singer Ice-T would co-endorse, especially with Cheney's support for kevlar-piercing bullets.

Barry White endorses Al Gore. After the lip-lock, White will certainly endorse the man who knows how to treat his woman.

-By Martin Barna and Jonas Blank