Replacement Rage

When we heard about frontman Zack de la Rocha's retirement from Rage Against the Machine last week, we couldn't help but feel sorry for the rap-rocking revolutionary. After all, not many communists get the chance to spread their Marxist mumbo-jumbo to stadium-sized crowds on a regular basis. And adding insult to injury, the remaining members of Rage-the ones who put the "rock" in the "rap-rock" part of the combo-vow to "keep it loud, keep it funky and most definitely rock on," without Zack's help.

But we all know the real reason people listen to Rage isn't for the catchy choruses and anthemic riffs-it's the politics, stupid. So, to avoid what de la Rocha's statement deemed the undermining of the band's "artistic and political ideal," Recess thought we'd suggest some political-minded replacements who might fit de la Rocha's Chiapas-loving mold.

George P. Bush: Sure, he's a Republican, and his entire family are longtime proponents of the party of capitalism and capital punishment, but this attractive, well-loved Latino could bring some much-needed balance to RATM's Evil Empire-hating ticket.

Louis Farrakhan: He's got the proper political pedigree-million-man marches, demands for justice-and the fiery personality for the job. Still, we fear his lyrical skills might be more George W. than Master P.

Ralph Nader: He's got no chance in hell of being president, but we'd sure hate to see him shrivel out of the limelight.

Roger Clinton: He's already had a band, and he'd certainly add some regional diversity and New Democrat gusto to the lineup.

-By Jonas Blank