What Jesus would do...

First you could ask Jeeves. Now you can ask Jesus.

In a world of cynicism and strife, fraught with callous misanthropy, people are sometimes caught in a search for answers. Truth is too often dictated by the petty materialism of pop culture or the capricious dictates of the Id. Our searches have too often led us to the impure, the temporal and the humanistic. Until now.

AskJesus.org promises what few other web sites can deliver-a quick dose of spiritual perspective, a tool for cleansing dirty young minds and even a half decent search engine.

The site's concept is simple. First, you can get Jesus' take on a web site you already know and love by typing the URL into a box that promises that he will "work his lamb-like magic" on it. And, like raising Lazarus from the dead or walking on water, askJesus delivered when we needed him to. When we gave askJesus the URL of www.whitehouse.com (a popular adult site), the Son of Man took over, replacing lurid "oral action" and "daily XXX pix" with pictures of Jesus talking to women with hamburgers for heads, Jesus talking to an ape and a man handing a dove flying over Jesus' head. An animated graphic of the Prince of Peace even replaced "action pics from Adam." As for Al Gore's web site, Jesus lets us know the truth about Al's "immaculately conceived evil-doing goals for the nation." So much for prosperity with a purpose.

While the askJesus search engine, powered by Google knockoff Mamma.com, didn't offer quite the same level of infotainment, it did return 33 results for the all-consuming question of "Is there a God?" as well as 39 for "When is the end of the world?" If you're curious about when you're going to die, AskJesus has an elaborate "Death Test" to give you the answer.

While we're still not sure what all the obsession with meat is about at this site, one thing is certainly true: AskJesus.com gets you closer to God in a whole new way.