Why not talk to a stranger?

"Don't talk to strangers," is a horrible piece of advice. I understand the good intentions behind this warning with which we indoctrinate our children, but children tend to take things in a very literal fashion, and think of the implications if they take this axiom literally. Everyone we know was a stranger to us at one point. How will we ever meet anyone without talking to strangers? I remember being confused by this warning when I was little. "Don't talk to strangers," my mother would say as she turned around and had a conversation with the lady behind her in the checkout line at the store.

We don't want our children to talk to scary strangers who will abduct them. But this warning associates the word "strangers" with people out to do harm, and if we took this to its logical conclusion, we would assume everyone we don't know is intending to do us harm.

Think about what would happen if adults enacted "Don't talk to strangers" in their lives. You could say nothing to the grocery clerk or the dry cleaner. If you moved to a new city, you would have nobody to talk to because everyone would be a stranger. You would only be able to make friends with people who were first introduced to you by mutual acquaintances. People would all exist in their own separate and self-contained worlds. It would be very unfriendly.

Could it be, in fact, that this rule is making our world a less friendly place? People who pass each other on the street don't smile at or say hi. People don't go out of their insulated friendship circles to meet other people. People really don't talk to strangers. When was the last time you struck up a conversation with a complete stranger? We often avert our eyes when we pass someone on the street who we don't know. Why? Is it because we think they might be a robber, or because we've made a habit of it?

By not talking to strangers we miss out on tremendous opportunities. I would never have met some of my best friends if I hadn't talked to strangers. Bus rides would all be quiet and I would've remained lost on several occasions if I hadn't asked a stranger for directions.

Of course, there are some people in our lives who aren't quite friends, but aren't strangers either. There can be difficulties associating with these acquaintances. You have to implement social convention because you are not close enough that you can skip it. You are more likely to feel like you need an "excuse" to talk. I have acquaintances that I enjoy talking to, but I feel like I need a reason outside the places I know them from. If I called one of them on a weekend outside of our normal conversation time and place, it would be awkward.

Maybe this phenomenon is an outgrowth of "Don't talk to strangers." We are told when we're little not to talk to strangers because it is unsafe and we might get abducted. As we get older, there may be some strangers who are unsafe to talk to, but most of the "safety issues" later in life are social. Talking to strangers violates all of our comfort levels to a certain extent, depending on the person and the stranger.

So talk to strangers. Just don't have conversations with scary men driving dark vans who talk to themselves and offer you candy or funny-tasting stamps.