Be Mine: His Way

Too many guys aren't romantics, and they know it. Their ideal date runs something along the lines of taking the lucky lady to some 15-501 chain restaurant and hitting a movie-it really doesn't matter, since their main goal is generally getting laid.

But whatever your motivation (or cash flow), Valentine's Day shouldn't be a time for groans, especially if you approach it with the right attitude. Whoever you're with, she probably isn't with you because you'll spend a lot of money on her or because you have the coolest friends. Surprise, jackass-she probably likes you for you, and that's what you ought to serve up on V-Day.

A proper Valentine's is all about continuity. Let her wake up to a dozen roses at her dorm/apartment door. A dozen roses from Campus Florist on 9th Street will look great but cost you an arm and a leg. If the flowers don't need to be the focal point, try the selection at Wellspring Grocery on Broad Street. Their roses look good, cost significantly less (only $12.99 as of Tuesday, though they will go up), and they're probably grown in some organic hippie compost blessed by the Dalai Lama. If you're ambitious, hand-write a little poem or leave it for her in her e-mail. Even if it sucks, she'll appreciate it-and for the timid, you can always quote somebody else (try Shakespeare).

Always get your date a gift. Chocolates are the traditional favorite, but given many girls' penchant for health and exercise, they should be avoided. Try something more personal, like a mix CD. If you don't have access to modern recording technology, you can choose from a selection of Valentine's-oriented songs at www.cdnow.com, which offers to make a 12-song disc for $19.95. Better yet, just take your favorite CDs to the CPS student's room down the hall and use his CD burner. If you don't want to mess with all that, don't fret-those old cassettes with the cutesy covers and hand-scrawled song titles say "I love you" as well as anything (as long as she has something to play them on). Producing something original will score a lot more points than buying her junk that will end up in her closet.

Someone who loves you shouldn't expect you to drop $100 on dinner, but that's precisely why you should want to do it anyway. Try to take her somewhere classy that not every Duke student on earth has already heard of. Durham's own Four Square or Nana's are great choices. They're far enough away from the Brightleaf/9th Street continuum that going to them seems like more than a pre-semiformal obligation, and they have a subtle ambiance that brings out the best in a conversation. Be prepared: Both will set you back a hundred bucks for a three-course meal and wine. If you want to try a more exotic destination (like Chapel Hill), Café La Residence serves a mean filet mignon. If she's from down South, the eclectic twist on Southern cooking offered at Crook's Corner is an unusual choice that will certainly impress.

The "what-to-do-after-dinner" phase of the evening is the hardest part, since this is probably where interests will diverge the most. Again, the best evening focuses on the people involved. There are hundreds of ways to do this, from grabbing dessert and coffee at Francesca's to taking a walk in the gardens, or dancing under the stars in the middle of a parking lot. If it's too cold, take a long drive and chat. Go back to your place-or hers-and listen to some records. Try to avoid the obvious Marvin Gaye type stuff, too. Instead, check the sensual groove of bands like Portishead, Morphine, D'Angelo and Lush-they set the perfect mood without the over-the-top sexual obviousness of 70s R&B.

If you're uncomfortable talking to her after dinner, you can hardly go wrong with Burning Coal's performance of Romeo and Juliet, opening at the Raleigh Memorial Auditorium on Valentine's Day. The tried and true original never fails to be compelling without being cheesy and overblown, and going to see it shows that you're both sensitive and in no real hurry to "seal the deal." (It is Shakespeare, after all-it takes some time).

In reality, true love probably doesn't need a Valentine's guide. Once you've found the person that can curl up with TV dinners and a movie and still love you, they're probably the one. For everyone else, you can't fall in love with someone you don't know, and getting to know each other is what Valentine's should be about.